Aye me...if you knew what was in my head.

I get a rush from meeting new people...and I'll be honest here, when I say people, I mean guys. Not because I think a prospect might come of it...but since getting to college the group of people I regularly hang out with went from male dominated to female dominated and sometimesI miss the later. I love my female friends, and they're wonderful but clearly there is a different interaction that is had between opposite sexes.

That said. I need a meet-new-boys fix. I need it pretty bad too.
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Into my thoughts:

---I want to perfect my craft (acting). And I want to do it now. I don't want gradual growth. I want to do something in the next ten minuets that will improve me as an actor. I want people to talk about me in awe, and I want to share my gift with everyone. I want to bring myself to tears when I preform my monologue. That's not too much to ask, right?

---I want to be a better dancer, and I want it to happen by the end of this week. 10 semi-consecutive days of hard-core dancing with the goal of improvement is enough to get that done...right? I want my feet to point with such grace. I want to raise my legs to hights that would make you cringe. I want to look like it all takes no effort at all.

---I want to read 10 books at once and absorb all the information each has to offer. I want to buy 10 books in the next 3 minuets and have them in 4 minuets to flip through. I want these books to change my life in a profound way.

---I want to be able to talk with people of high intellect and not just take but contribute. I want to see something in a way that has not been thought before.

---I want to say nothing and have it understood that I choose my silence, not because I don't know, but because I do.

---I want my artistic nature to be understood. I want it not to be weird to explore time and space with my body and voice on any little whim. How can that stop sign ahead become not a road block but a leg of my journey?

How overwhelmed I feel right now...do you see? These are things life has to offer for me and I barely seize any of them because I want to seize all of them at once. Sometimes I think, if only I had started when I was younger. But then, I don't believe I would apreciate it.

Do you think that a fair trade off for not being able to do Chemistry or Calculus is learning to expose oneself even if it is to negative response. Have I chosen the path that is right for me, or have I played it safe?

"Always in the dream, it seemed as if there were a destination: a something-he could not grasp what-that lay beyond the place where the thickness of snow brought the sled to a stop. He was left, upon awakening, with the feeling that he wanted, even somehow needed, to reach the something that waited in the distance. The feeling that it was good. That it was welcoming. That it was significant. But he did not know how to get there." --The Giver