This is where I've been

I'm trying to figure out a way for you to know what it is I'm feeling. I've already erased an entire blog...its enthusiasm was leaning a little towards the Tom Cruise end and I don't want to creep you out.

Its just that I'm so charged about what I'm capable of, or what I feel I'm capable of. Or rather, I guess I should say I'm charged about resources. Even with my not working at the Springer this summer, I still have access to incredible theater people.

I visited Academy this Tuesday to teach fan language to a group and hang out with them until lunch. I learned the basics of Tadashi Suzuki's technique, how crazy? I go to one class and I now have a whole new basis for ideas of connecting physcial movement to emotional creation! This blows my mind. In another class I learned how to take the way in which a baby developes naturally and incorporate it as a teaching warmup technique. This happened in a few short hours.

I was unable to take a much needed and wanted trip to Charleston this past week, though I understand what came of that was probably better for me in the long run and Charleston is still there and ready to be visited. What I did instead was hitch a ride to Athens and stayed with Lisa. Lisa was my teacher and director my last year as a student at Academy and then I was lucky enough to teach at her side last summer. Basically, Lisa is my hero/mentor/friend/etc.

We talked one of the afternoons for 6 straight hours and didn't realize how much time had passed. We talked about everything, boys, theater, the real world, anxiety, therapy, dogs, married life, single life, life life. I wrote so much that weekend. I now have book lists and a things-I-need-to-research lists that are so long and exploding with things to teach me.

Possiblities...it just makes me excited! And now, I might have the opportunity to be a Classical Scene Study Intern for Jens (pronounced yens). Jens was a movement teacher I had a long time ago, and like Lisa he has had amazing experiances, a source of knowledge waiting to be tappped. And for two weeks I could sit right in his class and see him teach. How awsome? I can pick the minds of all the teachers at the Springer, people who are knowledged in so many different aspects of theater, FOR FREE!! They are totally willing to share what they've learned with me; people who are doing what I want to do are so readily availible at my finger tips and I'm truely a blessed person for it.

What am I going to do when I graduate? I'm going to do theater. I'm not aiming for stardom. Let me collaborate with people like Lisa and Jens and I'll be a better person for it, and I can't think of a nicer way of spending my life.

"Why ya gotta act like you know when you don't know"

I mean really. Why is it that when someone is talking about something, anything, that this thing in my brain goes of to make me say "I know". Why? I probably don't know what music artist you are talking about, because the truth is I know very few musical artists. I mean I'm getting better. I definantly know more than in highschool. But still I'm very limited.

I probably don't know what it felt like when you did this and felt like this, because honestly my experiances are pretty limited and for a long time (in elementry and middle school atleast) limited to those of Zach Morris and the gang.

So why do I tell you I know?! I don't remember that scene from that movie...I'm sorry...its just not the way my brain works. And that really witty pop culture reference you just made...totally went over my head.

I've walked my entire life with blinders of daydreaming on, and my scope of knowledge is slim because of it. I'm sorry. I've tried to take them off before but I always end up daydreaming about the machines I'd create to remove them.....

So this is me, asking you to call me out. Not in a negative oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-you-don't-know-this kinda way. Teach me. Help me learn cool neat things, and I'll try to do the same for you. I mean...none of us really knows, do we?

So some friends of mine have taken up online poker. Silly you say? Well there bank accounts would say otherwise. These guys are pulling in daily more than I've made my whole life. Awsome, amazing, how wonderful for them. But a part of me can't help but be a little angry. Here they are, more money than they know what to do with, and they were already born into more money than they know what to do with, and I can't figure out how to make more than $7/hour. This sounds selfish...I know...ungratefull...I know. The sad simple truth is that's life. Some people figure out fun and easy ways to make money, and others of us don't. And we who don't are the people who keep the lottery funded. that's not true. I've never bought a lottery ticket before. Ahha! I've found my problem.

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more to come