What's on my mind right now is lack of communication. I don't always say when I'm upset. In fact, I hardly ever say when I'm upset until its built up in me and I let it out on whoever I'm upset with and it always ends messy. So lately, like this past year, I've just kept my mouth shut and pretended everything is alright.
I've got to find a new way of dealing with this.
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On a happy note, I've been cast in next semester's play, Wolfie. Its about Mozart. There is a class that is writing it right now, so that's exciting. The cool part is that it is going to be part of Spoletto. I'm going to be part of Spoletto--that's freaking awesome! Here's the other thing-my character's purpose is to teach Mozart about sex. That's right kids; I will be, as the director said "necking and petting" on stage--scandalous! I think the theater department has made it their personal mission to make me a more overtly sexual being. Between Cabaret and this I'm going to be a little hussy by the end of the semester!
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I bartended at an Alumni Christmas Party in Columbia yesterday. It was at some alum's house named Mary. She was the most amazing woman. She owns an antique store and her house looks like one. Everywhere you turned there was something new to look at. She's tall, probably in her 60s and exudes old Hollywood glamour. Its said she has a hair wrap for every outfit, even for going to the gym. She knew little details about all her guests, and if she didn't know the guest she would engage them in conversation as if they were best friends. She floated from room to room and perched gracefully on chairs. She could easily make you think you were in the presence of royalty and then tell a joke or make a funny face to put you at ease. She reminded me of the cool combination of grace and comedic ability of Lucile Ball. I felt I was at one of Gatsby's parties, and I was privileged she would spend any amount of time talking with me.
What a character. If I ever gain the gift of playwriting she will certainly be written about.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
You know how they say its really hard for people to change? I don't believe that at all. I think it is very easy to change. I think it is very hard to stay as what you've changed into. (I know, that basically means what the original expression implies, but I like to break it down that way).
When you make a change in your life, its easy to forget that it was once different. But if you do, often the change will undo itself. So much of the growth I've done in college was not smooth and natural in transitioning. I've worked at it. But sometimes I forget that I have to work at it and it starts unraveling. I guess this is more of a reminder to myself to keep working. Its totally worth it, even if its hard, never-ending work.
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On a related note. I've always been the kinda person to volunteer 2nd. Too scared to put myself up for the first round of whatever, until I've seen someone else go through it so I can learn from them. Which can be a rather usefull thing, but one I don't want to be bound by. So, in my acting classes this semester I've been making myself volunteer first for things. And I'm proud of myself for doing that. And I just wanted to share.
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On an unrelated note, smoothies are awsome. And I think I'm going to get one.
When you make a change in your life, its easy to forget that it was once different. But if you do, often the change will undo itself. So much of the growth I've done in college was not smooth and natural in transitioning. I've worked at it. But sometimes I forget that I have to work at it and it starts unraveling. I guess this is more of a reminder to myself to keep working. Its totally worth it, even if its hard, never-ending work.
_______________________________________________
On a related note. I've always been the kinda person to volunteer 2nd. Too scared to put myself up for the first round of whatever, until I've seen someone else go through it so I can learn from them. Which can be a rather usefull thing, but one I don't want to be bound by. So, in my acting classes this semester I've been making myself volunteer first for things. And I'm proud of myself for doing that. And I just wanted to share.
_______________________________________________
On an unrelated note, smoothies are awsome. And I think I'm going to get one.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Aye me...if you knew what was in my head.
I get a rush from meeting new people...and I'll be honest here, when I say people, I mean guys. Not because I think a prospect might come of it...but since getting to college the group of people I regularly hang out with went from male dominated to female dominated and sometimesI miss the later. I love my female friends, and they're wonderful but clearly there is a different interaction that is had between opposite sexes.
That said. I need a meet-new-boys fix. I need it pretty bad too.
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Into my thoughts:
---I want to perfect my craft (acting). And I want to do it now. I don't want gradual growth. I want to do something in the next ten minuets that will improve me as an actor. I want people to talk about me in awe, and I want to share my gift with everyone. I want to bring myself to tears when I preform my monologue. That's not too much to ask, right?
---I want to be a better dancer, and I want it to happen by the end of this week. 10 semi-consecutive days of hard-core dancing with the goal of improvement is enough to get that done...right? I want my feet to point with such grace. I want to raise my legs to hights that would make you cringe. I want to look like it all takes no effort at all.
---I want to read 10 books at once and absorb all the information each has to offer. I want to buy 10 books in the next 3 minuets and have them in 4 minuets to flip through. I want these books to change my life in a profound way.
---I want to be able to talk with people of high intellect and not just take but contribute. I want to see something in a way that has not been thought before.
---I want to say nothing and have it understood that I choose my silence, not because I don't know, but because I do.
---I want my artistic nature to be understood. I want it not to be weird to explore time and space with my body and voice on any little whim. How can that stop sign ahead become not a road block but a leg of my journey?
How overwhelmed I feel right now...do you see? These are things life has to offer for me and I barely seize any of them because I want to seize all of them at once. Sometimes I think, if only I had started when I was younger. But then, I don't believe I would apreciate it.
Do you think that a fair trade off for not being able to do Chemistry or Calculus is learning to expose oneself even if it is to negative response. Have I chosen the path that is right for me, or have I played it safe?
"Always in the dream, it seemed as if there were a destination: a something-he could not grasp what-that lay beyond the place where the thickness of snow brought the sled to a stop. He was left, upon awakening, with the feeling that he wanted, even somehow needed, to reach the something that waited in the distance. The feeling that it was good. That it was welcoming. That it was significant. But he did not know how to get there." --The Giver
I get a rush from meeting new people...and I'll be honest here, when I say people, I mean guys. Not because I think a prospect might come of it...but since getting to college the group of people I regularly hang out with went from male dominated to female dominated and sometimesI miss the later. I love my female friends, and they're wonderful but clearly there is a different interaction that is had between opposite sexes.
That said. I need a meet-new-boys fix. I need it pretty bad too.
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Into my thoughts:
---I want to perfect my craft (acting). And I want to do it now. I don't want gradual growth. I want to do something in the next ten minuets that will improve me as an actor. I want people to talk about me in awe, and I want to share my gift with everyone. I want to bring myself to tears when I preform my monologue. That's not too much to ask, right?
---I want to be a better dancer, and I want it to happen by the end of this week. 10 semi-consecutive days of hard-core dancing with the goal of improvement is enough to get that done...right? I want my feet to point with such grace. I want to raise my legs to hights that would make you cringe. I want to look like it all takes no effort at all.
---I want to read 10 books at once and absorb all the information each has to offer. I want to buy 10 books in the next 3 minuets and have them in 4 minuets to flip through. I want these books to change my life in a profound way.
---I want to be able to talk with people of high intellect and not just take but contribute. I want to see something in a way that has not been thought before.
---I want to say nothing and have it understood that I choose my silence, not because I don't know, but because I do.
---I want my artistic nature to be understood. I want it not to be weird to explore time and space with my body and voice on any little whim. How can that stop sign ahead become not a road block but a leg of my journey?
How overwhelmed I feel right now...do you see? These are things life has to offer for me and I barely seize any of them because I want to seize all of them at once. Sometimes I think, if only I had started when I was younger. But then, I don't believe I would apreciate it.
Do you think that a fair trade off for not being able to do Chemistry or Calculus is learning to expose oneself even if it is to negative response. Have I chosen the path that is right for me, or have I played it safe?
"Always in the dream, it seemed as if there were a destination: a something-he could not grasp what-that lay beyond the place where the thickness of snow brought the sled to a stop. He was left, upon awakening, with the feeling that he wanted, even somehow needed, to reach the something that waited in the distance. The feeling that it was good. That it was welcoming. That it was significant. But he did not know how to get there." --The Giver
Monday, August 15, 2005
So, today is my last bit of nannying. Hallelujah! Never in my life, and hopefully never again. As I just now talked to my employer on the phone about how many hours I worked last week, I was given all reason in the world not to put any effort in today at all.
Last Thursday Emily's father dropped her off at my house at around 10:30. Typically I make the long ass drive out to their house and receive not monetary compensation for it, but this afternoon she and I were going to get lunch in town and go to a pottery painting place so her father brought her to me. After Emily arrived I jumped in the shower, leaving her in my living room watching the telly. When I returned to the den from my shower, Emily didn't look so hot.
"Are you tired, Emily; do you need to take a nap?"
"I don't feel good"
"How don't you feel good?"
"I feel like I'm going to throw up"
I leapt in to action. I sprang to my parents bathroom and grabbed the anti-nausea medicine. I rushed back into to the den, where Emily was lying on my mother's week-old couch. As I poured the medicine into the medicine cup, I realized I had made a grave mistake.
Emily looked me in the eye with an expression of discomfort, and then preceded to vomit on my mothers new love (the couch) and all over the carpet. I couldn't believe it.
"We have to get you to the bathroom, Emily!"
But it was too late. She threw up once more in my living room and once she was in the bathroom nothing else came out.
I called her mom, and she came to pick Emily up. She of course offered no hand in cleaning her own child's breakfast off my carpet or couch. And seemed reluctant to give me credit for any hour's of work that day just now when I spoke with her on the phone.
My new rule, no only children. I'm so over it. Her mother told me at the beginning of the summer she'd help pay my gas, and she only once gave me money in the name of gas--$7.
Maybe I can talk my dad in letting me borrow my back bone for a bit and I can get all that gas money I'm owed.
Last Thursday Emily's father dropped her off at my house at around 10:30. Typically I make the long ass drive out to their house and receive not monetary compensation for it, but this afternoon she and I were going to get lunch in town and go to a pottery painting place so her father brought her to me. After Emily arrived I jumped in the shower, leaving her in my living room watching the telly. When I returned to the den from my shower, Emily didn't look so hot.
"Are you tired, Emily; do you need to take a nap?"
"I don't feel good"
"How don't you feel good?"
"I feel like I'm going to throw up"
I leapt in to action. I sprang to my parents bathroom and grabbed the anti-nausea medicine. I rushed back into to the den, where Emily was lying on my mother's week-old couch. As I poured the medicine into the medicine cup, I realized I had made a grave mistake.
Emily looked me in the eye with an expression of discomfort, and then preceded to vomit on my mothers new love (the couch) and all over the carpet. I couldn't believe it.
"We have to get you to the bathroom, Emily!"
But it was too late. She threw up once more in my living room and once she was in the bathroom nothing else came out.
I called her mom, and she came to pick Emily up. She of course offered no hand in cleaning her own child's breakfast off my carpet or couch. And seemed reluctant to give me credit for any hour's of work that day just now when I spoke with her on the phone.
My new rule, no only children. I'm so over it. Her mother told me at the beginning of the summer she'd help pay my gas, and she only once gave me money in the name of gas--$7.
Maybe I can talk my dad in letting me borrow my back bone for a bit and I can get all that gas money I'm owed.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Just when you think you're growing up and becoming capable of handling yourself, Dad says "hey sweetie" and the back bone you had disappears.
See, my father left for London for two weeks and not only didn't he tell me at any point in the summer that he was going to go, but he also didn't tell me the day he left that he was leaving. I found out that night when he didn't come home. I was irate. I planned all these speeches to give him when he returned. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and he was going to hear all the things that he'd been doing lately that I found to be inconciderate or unfair. Just wait Pops, you'll get it when you get back.
After picking up DB I returned home and he was there, sitting in the Lay-Z-boy. I walked in and talked straight to my mom. Ignoring that he had returned. If he expected to slip away unnoticed was it so much for me to want him to just slip back in with no big to-do? My mom didn't let it slide and made me give him a hug...I one armed him. I was preping myself. As soon as mom and DB left I was going to tear into him....I just went to my room with no word, saying I felt bad and was going to lay down.
That night I dreamt my mother had left my family saying she couldn't take it anymore. My dream father didn't try to stop dream mom. I woke up crying. Ran to my mom and hugged her. Dad was in the front of the house, I cried some more.Pulling myself together I dressed in what I determined were adult-like clothes. This was it. This was the time.
I marched into the den. Dad said, "Goodmorning, Sweetie."
"Mornin' Dad" I replied, as I walked past, bit my tongue, and remained silent.
See, my father left for London for two weeks and not only didn't he tell me at any point in the summer that he was going to go, but he also didn't tell me the day he left that he was leaving. I found out that night when he didn't come home. I was irate. I planned all these speeches to give him when he returned. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and he was going to hear all the things that he'd been doing lately that I found to be inconciderate or unfair. Just wait Pops, you'll get it when you get back.
After picking up DB I returned home and he was there, sitting in the Lay-Z-boy. I walked in and talked straight to my mom. Ignoring that he had returned. If he expected to slip away unnoticed was it so much for me to want him to just slip back in with no big to-do? My mom didn't let it slide and made me give him a hug...I one armed him. I was preping myself. As soon as mom and DB left I was going to tear into him....I just went to my room with no word, saying I felt bad and was going to lay down.
That night I dreamt my mother had left my family saying she couldn't take it anymore. My dream father didn't try to stop dream mom. I woke up crying. Ran to my mom and hugged her. Dad was in the front of the house, I cried some more.Pulling myself together I dressed in what I determined were adult-like clothes. This was it. This was the time.
I marched into the den. Dad said, "Goodmorning, Sweetie."
"Mornin' Dad" I replied, as I walked past, bit my tongue, and remained silent.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Do you ever recap a situation, for yourself?
I was supposed to be some where at 7 tonight. As I was walking to the kitchen to get my bowl of soup I thought I passed a clock that said it was nearly 7. I quickly realized I was wrong about the time and that I had a while to go till 7. But right afterwards I said aloud (keep in mind I was home by myself) "I was like 'oh crap. I'm late'" the thing is, I was right there when I had that reaction. Why did I need to tell myself what had happened just two seconds prior? Silly self.
hmm, I want to write about something else...but I forget...later
I was supposed to be some where at 7 tonight. As I was walking to the kitchen to get my bowl of soup I thought I passed a clock that said it was nearly 7. I quickly realized I was wrong about the time and that I had a while to go till 7. But right afterwards I said aloud (keep in mind I was home by myself) "I was like 'oh crap. I'm late'" the thing is, I was right there when I had that reaction. Why did I need to tell myself what had happened just two seconds prior? Silly self.
hmm, I want to write about something else...but I forget...later
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Moveon.org
So a few posts before this a posted a web site called Moveon.org. I have a feeling noone probably checked it out so I'd like to give you a reason why.
As some of you may know there was talk about the government cutting funding for public broadcasting because they felt they were giving biased reports. Public broadcasting people--NPR and PBS! They were going to take money away from these two beautiful parts of my life!
On Moveon.org they made a petition that was sent to Congress and here are the results:
"Congress Votes to Restore $100 Million to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (June 2005) We are delighted that we were able to help restore some of the cuts made to NPR and PBS. MoveOn.org members sent in more than 1 million comments and made more than 40,000 calls to tell Congress to save Big Bird and Mr. Rogers. We are glad to have helped protect such an important service."--MoveOn.org
Its so simple guys, I was part of that petition and it took like two seconds. Check it out for other things that you might feel strongly about!
As some of you may know there was talk about the government cutting funding for public broadcasting because they felt they were giving biased reports. Public broadcasting people--NPR and PBS! They were going to take money away from these two beautiful parts of my life!
On Moveon.org they made a petition that was sent to Congress and here are the results:
"Congress Votes to Restore $100 Million to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (June 2005) We are delighted that we were able to help restore some of the cuts made to NPR and PBS. MoveOn.org members sent in more than 1 million comments and made more than 40,000 calls to tell Congress to save Big Bird and Mr. Rogers. We are glad to have helped protect such an important service."--MoveOn.org
Its so simple guys, I was part of that petition and it took like two seconds. Check it out for other things that you might feel strongly about!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
I like peanuts!
This week has been amazing =)
To start off my list, I have been at the Springer Theater Academy all week, and I get to go back next week too! That in itself is enough, of course but there is more.
I put myself on a strict Sudafed regimen and it has finally given me some relief from my 3 month headache. That's not to say that its gone completely, if I wait too many hours in between taking it the headache returns. But! Its no where near where it was before my best friend: Sudafed.
Next, Monday night I danced on the Springer stage. Just me and my friend Jay, the lights were off except for a lamp, and I just danced. Amazing.
Then comes Tuesday, when I did my first contact improv. Its crazy. And I like it. You are constantly moving and touching someone. You can roll across them; pull them on you. They can lift you up. You can lay across people as they roll across the floor (aka body surfing). And it all happens without saying a word. Its so completely organic that you'll find all of a sudden you are in the air and the last you remember 3 people were laying on top of you-how did you get there!
Also on Tuesday and then also on Wednesday, I heard from two friends I hadn't talked to in a while and we hung out. Tuesday with Dane I saw Batman Begins (SO INCREDIBLE!). And Wednesday with Brett E. Barnes and Noble; where we decided that in 10 yrs we'd meet in Melbourne, Australia at this cafe on Bourke St.
Thursday Margarita night with some of the Springer staff followed by a long time spent on the stage laying on each others bellies and just talking--nice.
Friday I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and followed it up by going to a restaurant and eating Chocolate cake with some good friends.
What a delightful little week it turned out to be. Oh I also got my State refund check. Come on! How can a week be bad when the government is giving you back your money?
So this is already long. I'm sure some of the things that have made me so happy are not included or if they are included just don't make sense... But I have been exercising all week and eating well and hanging out with good people and learning more about my craft so I pretty happy to leave this at that.
To start off my list, I have been at the Springer Theater Academy all week, and I get to go back next week too! That in itself is enough, of course but there is more.
I put myself on a strict Sudafed regimen and it has finally given me some relief from my 3 month headache. That's not to say that its gone completely, if I wait too many hours in between taking it the headache returns. But! Its no where near where it was before my best friend: Sudafed.
Next, Monday night I danced on the Springer stage. Just me and my friend Jay, the lights were off except for a lamp, and I just danced. Amazing.
Then comes Tuesday, when I did my first contact improv. Its crazy. And I like it. You are constantly moving and touching someone. You can roll across them; pull them on you. They can lift you up. You can lay across people as they roll across the floor (aka body surfing). And it all happens without saying a word. Its so completely organic that you'll find all of a sudden you are in the air and the last you remember 3 people were laying on top of you-how did you get there!
Also on Tuesday and then also on Wednesday, I heard from two friends I hadn't talked to in a while and we hung out. Tuesday with Dane I saw Batman Begins (SO INCREDIBLE!). And Wednesday with Brett E. Barnes and Noble; where we decided that in 10 yrs we'd meet in Melbourne, Australia at this cafe on Bourke St.
Thursday Margarita night with some of the Springer staff followed by a long time spent on the stage laying on each others bellies and just talking--nice.
Friday I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and followed it up by going to a restaurant and eating Chocolate cake with some good friends.
What a delightful little week it turned out to be. Oh I also got my State refund check. Come on! How can a week be bad when the government is giving you back your money?
So this is already long. I'm sure some of the things that have made me so happy are not included or if they are included just don't make sense... But I have been exercising all week and eating well and hanging out with good people and learning more about my craft so I pretty happy to leave this at that.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Let's Pretend
I am nannying this summer for a little girl; she's 9. She had a friend over today and as they were playing in the pool the phrase "let's pretend that.." was repeated numerously until it began to mean something else.
A young child when playing at pretend, just states the world he envisions. "I'm a magician that flys airplanes in my spare time. Don't you love being at the beach?" It makes sense. As babies we learn the world revolves around us, so is it so hard to believe that if you decide something that others will automatically except your world too?
But ofcourse we grow older, and the destinction between reality and make-believe is made. Then it becomes neccessary to preface imaginative thoughts with, "let's pretend."
So what of adulthood? Can we play pretend too? I mean I guess we do, its just in our heads. "Lets pretend" has become "What if" and rather than acting something out we all sit and imagine.
Thank god I'm an actor. I can be the child who hasn't even learned "lets pretend." I assume realities in acting classes and my classmates except them wholeheartedly.
I'd like to conclude this with something more profound...but that's all I got: Thank God I'm an actor.
A young child when playing at pretend, just states the world he envisions. "I'm a magician that flys airplanes in my spare time. Don't you love being at the beach?" It makes sense. As babies we learn the world revolves around us, so is it so hard to believe that if you decide something that others will automatically except your world too?
But ofcourse we grow older, and the destinction between reality and make-believe is made. Then it becomes neccessary to preface imaginative thoughts with, "let's pretend."
So what of adulthood? Can we play pretend too? I mean I guess we do, its just in our heads. "Lets pretend" has become "What if" and rather than acting something out we all sit and imagine.
Thank god I'm an actor. I can be the child who hasn't even learned "lets pretend." I assume realities in acting classes and my classmates except them wholeheartedly.
I'd like to conclude this with something more profound...but that's all I got: Thank God I'm an actor.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
This is where I've been
I'm trying to figure out a way for you to know what it is I'm feeling. I've already erased an entire blog...its enthusiasm was leaning a little towards the Tom Cruise end and I don't want to creep you out.
Its just that I'm so charged about what I'm capable of, or what I feel I'm capable of. Or rather, I guess I should say I'm charged about resources. Even with my not working at the Springer this summer, I still have access to incredible theater people.
I visited Academy this Tuesday to teach fan language to a group and hang out with them until lunch. I learned the basics of Tadashi Suzuki's technique, how crazy? I go to one class and I now have a whole new basis for ideas of connecting physcial movement to emotional creation! This blows my mind. In another class I learned how to take the way in which a baby developes naturally and incorporate it as a teaching warmup technique. This happened in a few short hours.
I was unable to take a much needed and wanted trip to Charleston this past week, though I understand what came of that was probably better for me in the long run and Charleston is still there and ready to be visited. What I did instead was hitch a ride to Athens and stayed with Lisa. Lisa was my teacher and director my last year as a student at Academy and then I was lucky enough to teach at her side last summer. Basically, Lisa is my hero/mentor/friend/etc.
We talked one of the afternoons for 6 straight hours and didn't realize how much time had passed. We talked about everything, boys, theater, the real world, anxiety, therapy, dogs, married life, single life, life life. I wrote so much that weekend. I now have book lists and a things-I-need-to-research lists that are so long and exploding with things to teach me.
Possiblities...it just makes me excited! And now, I might have the opportunity to be a Classical Scene Study Intern for Jens (pronounced yens). Jens was a movement teacher I had a long time ago, and like Lisa he has had amazing experiances, a source of knowledge waiting to be tappped. And for two weeks I could sit right in his class and see him teach. How awsome? I can pick the minds of all the teachers at the Springer, people who are knowledged in so many different aspects of theater, FOR FREE!! They are totally willing to share what they've learned with me; people who are doing what I want to do are so readily availible at my finger tips and I'm truely a blessed person for it.
What am I going to do when I graduate? I'm going to do theater. I'm not aiming for stardom. Let me collaborate with people like Lisa and Jens and I'll be a better person for it, and I can't think of a nicer way of spending my life.
Its just that I'm so charged about what I'm capable of, or what I feel I'm capable of. Or rather, I guess I should say I'm charged about resources. Even with my not working at the Springer this summer, I still have access to incredible theater people.
I visited Academy this Tuesday to teach fan language to a group and hang out with them until lunch. I learned the basics of Tadashi Suzuki's technique, how crazy? I go to one class and I now have a whole new basis for ideas of connecting physcial movement to emotional creation! This blows my mind. In another class I learned how to take the way in which a baby developes naturally and incorporate it as a teaching warmup technique. This happened in a few short hours.
I was unable to take a much needed and wanted trip to Charleston this past week, though I understand what came of that was probably better for me in the long run and Charleston is still there and ready to be visited. What I did instead was hitch a ride to Athens and stayed with Lisa. Lisa was my teacher and director my last year as a student at Academy and then I was lucky enough to teach at her side last summer. Basically, Lisa is my hero/mentor/friend/etc.
We talked one of the afternoons for 6 straight hours and didn't realize how much time had passed. We talked about everything, boys, theater, the real world, anxiety, therapy, dogs, married life, single life, life life. I wrote so much that weekend. I now have book lists and a things-I-need-to-research lists that are so long and exploding with things to teach me.
Possiblities...it just makes me excited! And now, I might have the opportunity to be a Classical Scene Study Intern for Jens (pronounced yens). Jens was a movement teacher I had a long time ago, and like Lisa he has had amazing experiances, a source of knowledge waiting to be tappped. And for two weeks I could sit right in his class and see him teach. How awsome? I can pick the minds of all the teachers at the Springer, people who are knowledged in so many different aspects of theater, FOR FREE!! They are totally willing to share what they've learned with me; people who are doing what I want to do are so readily availible at my finger tips and I'm truely a blessed person for it.
What am I going to do when I graduate? I'm going to do theater. I'm not aiming for stardom. Let me collaborate with people like Lisa and Jens and I'll be a better person for it, and I can't think of a nicer way of spending my life.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
"Why ya gotta act like you know when you don't know"
I mean really. Why is it that when someone is talking about something, anything, that this thing in my brain goes of to make me say "I know". Why? I probably don't know what music artist you are talking about, because the truth is I know very few musical artists. I mean I'm getting better. I definantly know more than in highschool. But still I'm very limited.
I probably don't know what it felt like when you did this and felt like this, because honestly my experiances are pretty limited and for a long time (in elementry and middle school atleast) limited to those of Zach Morris and the gang.
So why do I tell you I know?! I don't remember that scene from that movie...I'm sorry...its just not the way my brain works. And that really witty pop culture reference you just made...totally went over my head.
I've walked my entire life with blinders of daydreaming on, and my scope of knowledge is slim because of it. I'm sorry. I've tried to take them off before but I always end up daydreaming about the machines I'd create to remove them.....
So this is me, asking you to call me out. Not in a negative oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-you-don't-know-this kinda way. Teach me. Help me learn cool neat things, and I'll try to do the same for you. I mean...none of us really knows, do we?
I probably don't know what it felt like when you did this and felt like this, because honestly my experiances are pretty limited and for a long time (in elementry and middle school atleast) limited to those of Zach Morris and the gang.
So why do I tell you I know?! I don't remember that scene from that movie...I'm sorry...its just not the way my brain works. And that really witty pop culture reference you just made...totally went over my head.
I've walked my entire life with blinders of daydreaming on, and my scope of knowledge is slim because of it. I'm sorry. I've tried to take them off before but I always end up daydreaming about the machines I'd create to remove them.....
So this is me, asking you to call me out. Not in a negative oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-you-don't-know-this kinda way. Teach me. Help me learn cool neat things, and I'll try to do the same for you. I mean...none of us really knows, do we?
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So some friends of mine have taken up online poker. Silly you say? Well there bank accounts would say otherwise. These guys are pulling in daily more than I've made my whole life. Awsome, amazing, how wonderful for them. But a part of me can't help but be a little angry. Here they are, more money than they know what to do with, and they were already born into more money than they know what to do with, and I can't figure out how to make more than $7/hour. This sounds selfish...I know...ungratefull...I know. The sad simple truth is that's life. Some people figure out fun and easy ways to make money, and others of us don't. And we who don't are the people who keep the lottery funded. that's not true. I've never bought a lottery ticket before. Ahha! I've found my problem.
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more to come
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more to come
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Sorry!!
So I did write an entry last week but apparently forgot to save it. Whoops! So I'm sorry that time seems to have lapsed in my entries...there was supposed to be one before this.
I've been thinking a lot about how there are so many things people leave out when they tell you about college and growing up. Why? It would have been such more help if we get these things up front.
"Hi welcome to college, you are going to have so much fun. You're also going to find that alone time is precious, that no matter how grown up you feel you still need your mommy and daddy, that suddenly home is a relative term, that if you don't wake up to your alarm clock--you'd better get a new one, that anxiety and panic attacks are not limited to people on Lifetime, that to eat balanced meals actually does take some thought on your half, and that it doesn't take long before high school feels like it happened in another lifetime to some other person" --this is the greeting that would have helped me.
I've cleaned out my room at home. It hasn't been my room since I left and my brother moved into it. So weird. All the stuffs here. Sophomore year of high school my history teacher asked us to write a short essay about ourselves at the beginning of the year so she could get to know us. I wrote mine by describing the things in my room. Do they still fit?
On one wall posters from shows I've done. Some awards from dance competitions. There's a vanity where I spent many a morning thinking how grown up to sit at a vanity and apply make-up; I must be a woman now. My eighth grade cheerleading uniform is looking at me from the closet (I wonder if I still fit in that...). There's a collection of Amy Grant CD's on a bookshelf under the hats I wore in elementary school.
Some new additions: the shoes overflowing my closet...they didn't' used to be there. The box I made in Stage Craft freshman year of college, this laptop, this desk being clean for the lap to sit on, my earring holder, the air purifier (thank you new allergies), the moccasins I made last weekend with Emmie =), and the carpet I've had my whole life but don't remember seeing much of.
I think my room analogy still works. Because a lot of who I've been my whole life is still here, just rearranged, added to, and seen from different angles. In the words of Sally Brown "I like it!".
I've been thinking a lot about how there are so many things people leave out when they tell you about college and growing up. Why? It would have been such more help if we get these things up front.
"Hi welcome to college, you are going to have so much fun. You're also going to find that alone time is precious, that no matter how grown up you feel you still need your mommy and daddy, that suddenly home is a relative term, that if you don't wake up to your alarm clock--you'd better get a new one, that anxiety and panic attacks are not limited to people on Lifetime, that to eat balanced meals actually does take some thought on your half, and that it doesn't take long before high school feels like it happened in another lifetime to some other person" --this is the greeting that would have helped me.
I've cleaned out my room at home. It hasn't been my room since I left and my brother moved into it. So weird. All the stuffs here. Sophomore year of high school my history teacher asked us to write a short essay about ourselves at the beginning of the year so she could get to know us. I wrote mine by describing the things in my room. Do they still fit?
On one wall posters from shows I've done. Some awards from dance competitions. There's a vanity where I spent many a morning thinking how grown up to sit at a vanity and apply make-up; I must be a woman now. My eighth grade cheerleading uniform is looking at me from the closet (I wonder if I still fit in that...). There's a collection of Amy Grant CD's on a bookshelf under the hats I wore in elementary school.
Some new additions: the shoes overflowing my closet...they didn't' used to be there. The box I made in Stage Craft freshman year of college, this laptop, this desk being clean for the lap to sit on, my earring holder, the air purifier (thank you new allergies), the moccasins I made last weekend with Emmie =), and the carpet I've had my whole life but don't remember seeing much of.
I think my room analogy still works. Because a lot of who I've been my whole life is still here, just rearranged, added to, and seen from different angles. In the words of Sally Brown "I like it!".
Friday, May 06, 2005
So much for my tank tops coming to Charleston
What a crazy little sophomore year we had.
I've been watching lots of old movies this week. Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds--these were my friends this week. And what fabulous people to keep around; they are constantly finding the dance and song in life. Men wore such masculine clothing and women were praised for their strength as a woman, not how much skin they'd be wiling to show. Oh, the clothes...the shoes! Donald O'Connor...I wish I could have half of his comic talent. Man...I want to act, I want to sing, I want to dance!
Speaking of which, I like to dance. You didn't know? I know I'm pretty secretive about it. But really. I like to dance, and honestly I'm not much aware of it when I start to do it if I'm talking to you. So please, don't take offence. Don't think I'm not listening, I am. And please don't think I'm doing it for you to comment on it. I mean if you really feel like saying something...that's cool I guess. But honestly I'd like it alot if you would be so comfortable with it, it would be as natural to see me doing that as some one using their hands to talk. Don't acknowledge it at all. I'm not doing it to show you; I'm doing it because its in me and it makes me happy.
The funniest mother just came in our room to check it out because her daughter is going to be in Rutledge next year. Apparently Maggie and I's "room is cute." Did we stack our dressers ourselves? =) Moms...I wonder if her daughter knows she's over here doing this....ahhh
I've been watching lots of old movies this week. Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds--these were my friends this week. And what fabulous people to keep around; they are constantly finding the dance and song in life. Men wore such masculine clothing and women were praised for their strength as a woman, not how much skin they'd be wiling to show. Oh, the clothes...the shoes! Donald O'Connor...I wish I could have half of his comic talent. Man...I want to act, I want to sing, I want to dance!
Speaking of which, I like to dance. You didn't know? I know I'm pretty secretive about it. But really. I like to dance, and honestly I'm not much aware of it when I start to do it if I'm talking to you. So please, don't take offence. Don't think I'm not listening, I am. And please don't think I'm doing it for you to comment on it. I mean if you really feel like saying something...that's cool I guess. But honestly I'd like it alot if you would be so comfortable with it, it would be as natural to see me doing that as some one using their hands to talk. Don't acknowledge it at all. I'm not doing it to show you; I'm doing it because its in me and it makes me happy.
The funniest mother just came in our room to check it out because her daughter is going to be in Rutledge next year. Apparently Maggie and I's "room is cute." Did we stack our dressers ourselves? =) Moms...I wonder if her daughter knows she's over here doing this....ahhh
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Let me give you hope
Its come to my attenting that since last October I've only written one entry....whoops! This is my written promise to you that I will write atleast one new entry a week unless some horrible something happens to prevent me from doing that. So there you go. I can tell you are excited. (I just reread this and realized how many times I've used a form of write...it cracked me up)
Exciting news I just received: My good friend Lauren Bell will be in Columbus this summer! I'm not going to be all alone! Whooo!!
mmm, breakfast time....
Exciting news I just received: My good friend Lauren Bell will be in Columbus this summer! I'm not going to be all alone! Whooo!!
mmm, breakfast time....
Monday, February 14, 2005
writing for myself
So the chances anyone will see this is slim to none since I haven't written since Oct...so this one's for me.
This weekend I was silly. It was so much fun! I met a funny boy and had an interesting night with that. I'll probably never see John ever again (I'm sure my friends would say this is a good thing) and I think its kind of exciting. How much fun to just see where life will take you instead of being rational all the time. Secondly, I got the most giddy nervous about talking to a boy that I've been in a long time. I rather enjoyed that.
I'm a girl who likes to flirt and I've decided (as made aparent by Friday's venture with John) that I really want to meet more people. Even if they are only in my life for a night. How fun! There are so many people at this school and I know so few of them. I've tried the wait around to meet someone thing for going on 20 years now and its only made me restless. So why shouldn't part of that wait include meeting fun people along the way? I guess I'm really only justifiying that to myself...but there it is.
I talked to Grandma tonight for almost an hour. What an amazingly insightful woman. Why have I waited so long to get to know my grandmother? Why's it take us so long to appreciate the good things in our life? I should tell her I think she's amazing...I definantly don't let her know enough.
I think I'm starting to make college really benifit me...I hope I am. I want to get all I can out of it.
This weekend I was silly. It was so much fun! I met a funny boy and had an interesting night with that. I'll probably never see John ever again (I'm sure my friends would say this is a good thing) and I think its kind of exciting. How much fun to just see where life will take you instead of being rational all the time. Secondly, I got the most giddy nervous about talking to a boy that I've been in a long time. I rather enjoyed that.
I'm a girl who likes to flirt and I've decided (as made aparent by Friday's venture with John) that I really want to meet more people. Even if they are only in my life for a night. How fun! There are so many people at this school and I know so few of them. I've tried the wait around to meet someone thing for going on 20 years now and its only made me restless. So why shouldn't part of that wait include meeting fun people along the way? I guess I'm really only justifiying that to myself...but there it is.
I talked to Grandma tonight for almost an hour. What an amazingly insightful woman. Why have I waited so long to get to know my grandmother? Why's it take us so long to appreciate the good things in our life? I should tell her I think she's amazing...I definantly don't let her know enough.
I think I'm starting to make college really benifit me...I hope I am. I want to get all I can out of it.
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