How cool is it to have people to guide you through the unguidable path?
Just when I'm feeling invisible, I see I'm totally blessed.
In other news, I would like to invite everyone to get on my tail about dance. When you see me say, "Have you stretched today?" or "how's your point and extintions? That's what I thought"
I'm tired of being below where I know I can get, but I need your help being motivated!
2 weeks from Friday I get to change out my earings. Sweet.
Today's the day of birth of my father. God bless fathers, for we wouldn't be here without them.
I looked out a window today. I was seen from a window today. To do list complete.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Time to finally look at what I've been avoiding seeing
I'm feeling something intense right now but I don't know what it is. It has to do with the weather. It has to do with highschool, who I was, who I wanted to be, who I am. And somehow that relates to what I am now, and who I want to be, and who I'm going to become.
I won't be home to put up Halloween decorations on Halloween after the Halloween Carnival at Brookstone. I no longer attend Thursday morning bible study at the train station Burger King. I don't see the people I used to see, and for some reason, right at this second I have a feeling that there was something I forgot to do when I was there in Burger King, with those people. Or sitting in the hallways of Brookstone. Did I forget to do that one thing in highschool that makes highschool complete? Or is that just God telling me I've been too long gone from his side. I can't tell anymore.
How is it, in the midst of complete happiness, one has doubt? regret? and a feeling of not having done everything right?
10 days till I see my family and Columbus again =)
I won't be home to put up Halloween decorations on Halloween after the Halloween Carnival at Brookstone. I no longer attend Thursday morning bible study at the train station Burger King. I don't see the people I used to see, and for some reason, right at this second I have a feeling that there was something I forgot to do when I was there in Burger King, with those people. Or sitting in the hallways of Brookstone. Did I forget to do that one thing in highschool that makes highschool complete? Or is that just God telling me I've been too long gone from his side. I can't tell anymore.
How is it, in the midst of complete happiness, one has doubt? regret? and a feeling of not having done everything right?
10 days till I see my family and Columbus again =)
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Its hard to remember what I want
I started this year with many ideas on what the semester would hold for me. I found they have all changed.
I'm trying to remember how I used to accomplish things. I feel at a point in my life I saw opportunity and took it...maybe that was just me dreaming. In fact I am almost certain of it. All good things I think fell in my lap and had no direct result of my making a decision. I'm now at a point in my life when I am not only asked to make decisions but also increadible eager to jump at the chance. Unfortunatly I'm finding them all back-firing on me.
The people I admire the most find happyness in other peoples accomplishments. These are the same people who find happyness watching things pass by them. For some this state comes with age, for some it never does come. I'm sitting and I'm watching and I'm being distracted I think. Time to start really looking.
Does anyone have Harry Potter 5? I would love to borrow it from you =)
Man sometimes being here can be a little too much life.
I'm trying to remember how I used to accomplish things. I feel at a point in my life I saw opportunity and took it...maybe that was just me dreaming. In fact I am almost certain of it. All good things I think fell in my lap and had no direct result of my making a decision. I'm now at a point in my life when I am not only asked to make decisions but also increadible eager to jump at the chance. Unfortunatly I'm finding them all back-firing on me.
The people I admire the most find happyness in other peoples accomplishments. These are the same people who find happyness watching things pass by them. For some this state comes with age, for some it never does come. I'm sitting and I'm watching and I'm being distracted I think. Time to start really looking.
Does anyone have Harry Potter 5? I would love to borrow it from you =)
Man sometimes being here can be a little too much life.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Doo do doo do doo!
First off, Danny Vo, you are too cute and make me smile. I love your new layout for your blog.
Now to the rest.
In some resent observations of adults with babies I've noticed a terrifying trend: the act of gobbling children. Face it, we've all been guilty at it at some point in our lives. When no one was looking and you were with a little plump baby, you reached down, picked up its foot, and say, "gobble, gobble, gobble!!! " WHY!!! Why do we feel we need to promote cannibalism around our children? You know what a good game to play is Bobby Anne? Gobble your loved ones! The saddest part to this trend is that its incapable of being stopped. Not soon after realizing how bizarre this act was, I found myself committing it, completely unwillingly. Its an inescapable fact of life. Weird.
Now to the rest.
In some resent observations of adults with babies I've noticed a terrifying trend: the act of gobbling children. Face it, we've all been guilty at it at some point in our lives. When no one was looking and you were with a little plump baby, you reached down, picked up its foot, and say, "gobble, gobble, gobble!!! " WHY!!! Why do we feel we need to promote cannibalism around our children? You know what a good game to play is Bobby Anne? Gobble your loved ones! The saddest part to this trend is that its incapable of being stopped. Not soon after realizing how bizarre this act was, I found myself committing it, completely unwillingly. Its an inescapable fact of life. Weird.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
what my brain decided to address
While walking in my neighborhood the other day, I passed my aunt and uncle. As I approached them my aunt said, "I didn't know you walked."
______________________________________________________________
I know things have happened in my life for a reason. That the choices I made were made because it was important for me to go through them. But its disheartening to realize had I made different choices, there might be people in my life that no longer are. So then I think about that, how I can be frustrated or upset by someone because I'm listening to my emotions and looking at the overall picture. Then I try to now look at the over all picture, and mend things in my life, and I'm at a loss. I don't know how. I don't know what path I'm supposed to take when I return to Charleston. I don't know what actions I'm supposed to take while in Columbus.
I'm ready to stop playing the role of girl who was hurt by someone. I'm ready to except that I've overeacted, misunderstood, took advantage, expected too much, not stood up for myself always, lived in my head, stayed because I thought it would change, and all those other things that brought me to today.
To anyone who I've upset, or made believe that I'm not a friend worth having: its my fault. I take responsibility for having said the things I did, acted they way I did, and making the decisions I made. I'm sorry that you don't see what you used to see in me, I promise its still there. And to anyone I've hurt, wronged, or pushed away we're still alive and there's still a chance to make things right.
huhn. didn't expect that out of tonight.
______________________________________________________________
I know things have happened in my life for a reason. That the choices I made were made because it was important for me to go through them. But its disheartening to realize had I made different choices, there might be people in my life that no longer are. So then I think about that, how I can be frustrated or upset by someone because I'm listening to my emotions and looking at the overall picture. Then I try to now look at the over all picture, and mend things in my life, and I'm at a loss. I don't know how. I don't know what path I'm supposed to take when I return to Charleston. I don't know what actions I'm supposed to take while in Columbus.
I'm ready to stop playing the role of girl who was hurt by someone. I'm ready to except that I've overeacted, misunderstood, took advantage, expected too much, not stood up for myself always, lived in my head, stayed because I thought it would change, and all those other things that brought me to today.
To anyone who I've upset, or made believe that I'm not a friend worth having: its my fault. I take responsibility for having said the things I did, acted they way I did, and making the decisions I made. I'm sorry that you don't see what you used to see in me, I promise its still there. And to anyone I've hurt, wronged, or pushed away we're still alive and there's still a chance to make things right.
huhn. didn't expect that out of tonight.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Whoops!
So the trip to SC was an experiance =)
First carwreck...not cool. Mom, very cool.
Lexington and Irmo seem like interesting places. I hope I can visit them for a longer time in the future. Unfortunatly my allergies and homesickness for my dad got the better of me and I only spent a day in Irmo.
When I turn 50, I hope my husband throws me a party, wears a Hawiann shirt to it, and spends the whole time taking pictures and staring at me. What a neat relationship I got to witness.
First carwreck...not cool. Mom, very cool.
Lexington and Irmo seem like interesting places. I hope I can visit them for a longer time in the future. Unfortunatly my allergies and homesickness for my dad got the better of me and I only spent a day in Irmo.
When I turn 50, I hope my husband throws me a party, wears a Hawiann shirt to it, and spends the whole time taking pictures and staring at me. What a neat relationship I got to witness.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
I'm not sure what's on my mind exactly.
Academy is over.
Karen (who I became very close to this summer) leaves for Milwaukee tomorrow. Time to adjust to different energies around.
My dad gets back Wed. I'll be in SC (excited about my trip; sad I wont see my dad for another week).
I am more thankful than words can describe for my experiance this summer at the Springer. On the very last night, during the awards ceremony...I cried. Wept like a little baby on stage infront of my students and their parents.
I realized this week that my 8 years spent at Academy is so very a unique experiance, that no matter how close I become to someone in my life they will never understand it. You have to go through it. Its awsome and sad at the same time-its so much a part of who I am, its a little lonesome to think I'm incapable of completely sharing that with those I love who haven't gone through it. hmmm.....
_______________________________________________________
So I'll be in Columbia, SC this Tuesday. You should see me if you are around. At some point I hope to be in Charleston so you should call if you're in that area and maybe we'll be there at the same time.
Academy is over.
Karen (who I became very close to this summer) leaves for Milwaukee tomorrow. Time to adjust to different energies around.
My dad gets back Wed. I'll be in SC (excited about my trip; sad I wont see my dad for another week).
I am more thankful than words can describe for my experiance this summer at the Springer. On the very last night, during the awards ceremony...I cried. Wept like a little baby on stage infront of my students and their parents.
I realized this week that my 8 years spent at Academy is so very a unique experiance, that no matter how close I become to someone in my life they will never understand it. You have to go through it. Its awsome and sad at the same time-its so much a part of who I am, its a little lonesome to think I'm incapable of completely sharing that with those I love who haven't gone through it. hmmm.....
_______________________________________________________
So I'll be in Columbia, SC this Tuesday. You should see me if you are around. At some point I hope to be in Charleston so you should call if you're in that area and maybe we'll be there at the same time.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
When you've got brats and knats the world is fine
I'm entering the last week of work. My fuse has shortened with kids these past 8 weeks and now, the littlest misbehavior gets under my skin. I've only killed one child though.
But really, I love my job. And I do get frustrated with the kids but no kind of frustration I can't handle. I find myself just observing my environment, smiling, and being overwhelmed with how much I really do love working at the Springer.
For instance: Between classes the other day I went down the hall to the bathroom. As I was walking, I passed two teenage boys; one dressed as a bee, the other dressed as Christopher Robin. ::SMILE:: You don't get that working at Dillards.
Three other examples:
-Staff Bowling night-Love it!
-Upon finishing a hike in Providence Canyon with Karen and Lauren, using the stage at the Interpretive Center to preform and interpretive dance of our ventures in the canyons.
-Staff Brat party. One of our faculty is from Milwakee, Wisconsin and of Polish decent. Today I ate bratwurst, knackwurst, italian sausage, and many other wursts-delish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough work, my summer has been so much fun! I've really (to my surprize) enjoyed my time in Columbus. While I miss college and am excited about being back, if I could keep everyone around me that I have around me this summer, I'd be a happy girl.
Went to an 80's party last night. I looked like Molly Ringwald. So much fun. Karen looked like Six from Blossom. We were the best dressed there by far, not to mention the best 80's dancers. Hahaha...lets have an 80's party when we get back...but 1880's, hehehe. Oh man that'd be funny.
Hope you are all doing well. I mean that.
But really, I love my job. And I do get frustrated with the kids but no kind of frustration I can't handle. I find myself just observing my environment, smiling, and being overwhelmed with how much I really do love working at the Springer.
For instance: Between classes the other day I went down the hall to the bathroom. As I was walking, I passed two teenage boys; one dressed as a bee, the other dressed as Christopher Robin. ::SMILE:: You don't get that working at Dillards.
Three other examples:
-Staff Bowling night-Love it!
-Upon finishing a hike in Providence Canyon with Karen and Lauren, using the stage at the Interpretive Center to preform and interpretive dance of our ventures in the canyons.
-Staff Brat party. One of our faculty is from Milwakee, Wisconsin and of Polish decent. Today I ate bratwurst, knackwurst, italian sausage, and many other wursts-delish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough work, my summer has been so much fun! I've really (to my surprize) enjoyed my time in Columbus. While I miss college and am excited about being back, if I could keep everyone around me that I have around me this summer, I'd be a happy girl.
Went to an 80's party last night. I looked like Molly Ringwald. So much fun. Karen looked like Six from Blossom. We were the best dressed there by far, not to mention the best 80's dancers. Hahaha...lets have an 80's party when we get back...but 1880's, hehehe. Oh man that'd be funny.
Hope you are all doing well. I mean that.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
How do ya like my new balls?
So this summer has been insane. I wont go into detail, but it seems that every night has been crammed with unexpected. I've even surprised myself.
Tonight, I grew balls and then called this guy and asked him to dinner this weekend-he said yes =). At this point I don't really care if anything happens after this date, I'm just so damned impressed with myself...
I love when I do things like this; surprising myself. Just when I start to believe I'm a play-it-safer I go and do something crazy like this. I don't know, maybe y'all don't see it as very extreme, but for me, yes. Who knows...maybe I'll get my ears pierced this summer...or go sky diving...it doesn't matter. I remember now that when I put my mind to something I get it done =)
Score.
Tonight, I grew balls and then called this guy and asked him to dinner this weekend-he said yes =). At this point I don't really care if anything happens after this date, I'm just so damned impressed with myself...
I love when I do things like this; surprising myself. Just when I start to believe I'm a play-it-safer I go and do something crazy like this. I don't know, maybe y'all don't see it as very extreme, but for me, yes. Who knows...maybe I'll get my ears pierced this summer...or go sky diving...it doesn't matter. I remember now that when I put my mind to something I get it done =)
Score.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
hmmm
Not sure what I've been doing these past weeks.
Work
Hanging Out
Work's well. We just finished the first two of eight weeks. We get some new kids Monday, and the chance to try at teaching this material again...hopefully we'll improve from last two weeks.
I choreographed a dance to the epilogue of Midsummer Night's Dream, and while the students don't move their bodies in the exact way I would like, it still turned out looking pretty cool. Score. This is the fifth thing I've choreographed for other people to perform...I'm starting to like it. Not that I'd want to become a choreographer...but if I continue it might be a nice something on my resume that I can do occasional jobs as to earn money while trying to be a working actress...? I don't know...its just neat to see something you made in your head actually lived out and appreciated by others.
Mary Jane. I just don't know any more.
Oh, house/dog sitting is going very well. Yes I know me and dogs seem an odd couple, but Tank and I have had a great time this week =) We've played, taken dinner together, taken naps together, and just sometimes just sat in each other's company while neither of us were really doing anything. It's been nice. I've also become popular with other dogs, my friend Josh has two dogs-Lizzie and Cody- both of which I have bonded with. I can see someday owning a dog, but still, not anytime soon. I hated having to say, I'd love to go, but can we wait about an hour? I need to go let the dog pee.
Work
Hanging Out
Work's well. We just finished the first two of eight weeks. We get some new kids Monday, and the chance to try at teaching this material again...hopefully we'll improve from last two weeks.
I choreographed a dance to the epilogue of Midsummer Night's Dream, and while the students don't move their bodies in the exact way I would like, it still turned out looking pretty cool. Score. This is the fifth thing I've choreographed for other people to perform...I'm starting to like it. Not that I'd want to become a choreographer...but if I continue it might be a nice something on my resume that I can do occasional jobs as to earn money while trying to be a working actress...? I don't know...its just neat to see something you made in your head actually lived out and appreciated by others.
Mary Jane. I just don't know any more.
Oh, house/dog sitting is going very well. Yes I know me and dogs seem an odd couple, but Tank and I have had a great time this week =) We've played, taken dinner together, taken naps together, and just sometimes just sat in each other's company while neither of us were really doing anything. It's been nice. I've also become popular with other dogs, my friend Josh has two dogs-Lizzie and Cody- both of which I have bonded with. I can see someday owning a dog, but still, not anytime soon. I hated having to say, I'd love to go, but can we wait about an hour? I need to go let the dog pee.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Stranded in Georgia
Today I rode with Erica (red-headed friend since 1st grade) to LaGrange, Ga (about 45 min north) to get her car serviced. Her mother followed us up there. Here's a synopsis of the trip:
-Woke up at 7:30 after getting home at 2am
-dropped car off, at at IHOP
-went to the LaGrange Mall, where we were pulled not only back in time about 15 years, but also pulled into all things country and hickish.
-finally go and pick up the car
-20 min outside Columbus, Erica's tire blows out and we pull to the side of the road (so does her mom)
-wait an hour and half for tow guy to come to put spare on and he leaves. weee!
-Drive no more than 5 feet and the spare goes flat. WOOO!!!
-wait another hour for the guy to come back and tow the car back to the dealership. YAAAY!
-drive back to La Grange to get Erica's loaner car
-finally make it back to Columbus 4 hours and 30 min after the time that her tire blew out.
Man its been a long day...but we're okay so all is good. I hope y'all's days were filled with better luck than mine! Take care guys.
-Woke up at 7:30 after getting home at 2am
-dropped car off, at at IHOP
-went to the LaGrange Mall, where we were pulled not only back in time about 15 years, but also pulled into all things country and hickish.
-finally go and pick up the car
-20 min outside Columbus, Erica's tire blows out and we pull to the side of the road (so does her mom)
-wait an hour and half for tow guy to come to put spare on and he leaves. weee!
-Drive no more than 5 feet and the spare goes flat. WOOO!!!
-wait another hour for the guy to come back and tow the car back to the dealership. YAAAY!
-drive back to La Grange to get Erica's loaner car
-finally make it back to Columbus 4 hours and 30 min after the time that her tire blew out.
Man its been a long day...but we're okay so all is good. I hope y'all's days were filled with better luck than mine! Take care guys.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Sorry for the past few blogs being so cryptic...I'll work on that.
My job starts tomorrow! I'm excited about having something to do during the day. I'm hoping there wont be any drama...that's unrealistic. I'm hoping there will be very little drama and that I'll be able to stay out of it.
I love how in the summer I get to meet so many awsome people. In one night I may meet 5 new people. I love it! Especially when everyone's connections start coming full circle. For instance, a few nights ago I was going to hang out with a group of guys I know and I took Erica along. Now, I hung out with these boys all last summer, so I'm pretty comfortable around them. Erica didn't and she was nervous about going over. But low and behold, one of the guys was someone who had had a crush on her in highschool, and that she had kinda liked too (but had a boyfriend at the time). They hung out that whole night and he's been calling to hang out with her since! How cool is that? Who would have guessed?
Here's to the possiblities found in summer! MMM!
My job starts tomorrow! I'm excited about having something to do during the day. I'm hoping there wont be any drama...that's unrealistic. I'm hoping there will be very little drama and that I'll be able to stay out of it.
I love how in the summer I get to meet so many awsome people. In one night I may meet 5 new people. I love it! Especially when everyone's connections start coming full circle. For instance, a few nights ago I was going to hang out with a group of guys I know and I took Erica along. Now, I hung out with these boys all last summer, so I'm pretty comfortable around them. Erica didn't and she was nervous about going over. But low and behold, one of the guys was someone who had had a crush on her in highschool, and that she had kinda liked too (but had a boyfriend at the time). They hung out that whole night and he's been calling to hang out with her since! How cool is that? Who would have guessed?
Here's to the possiblities found in summer! MMM!
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Well, that was...awful. Woooo!!!
I got the chance...created the chance...something like that, to revisit a moment, or era, from my past and I've come out better for it. I really had put the memory on a pedestal, thinking it was so amazing. Having gone through it a second time, I realize, it wasn't amazing...it was even kinda awful. So now, I'm free from that moment...era of my past, at last. ::sighs:: feels good.
On another note, I just saw about 4 episodes of Three's Company. I liked that show at one point...and I don't dislike it now, but man is it predictable. I hadn't realized. Silly me.
So in conclusion...memory can be deceitful, as can a hopeful heart, so be cautious and let your brain do some of the thinking too.
On another note, I just saw about 4 episodes of Three's Company. I liked that show at one point...and I don't dislike it now, but man is it predictable. I hadn't realized. Silly me.
So in conclusion...memory can be deceitful, as can a hopeful heart, so be cautious and let your brain do some of the thinking too.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Oh Me Oh My What'll I Do? Can't Find an Elephant to Tie my Shoe...
Tonight was a night with my fam. Me, Mom, Dad, DB, my Uncle John, Aunt Carol, and some women that is distantly related to my aunt who lives in Denver and tracked down my aunt and has come down to see what the south is all about and share some family letters written by some great grandfather...or something like that. Whew! Its hard writing run on clauses.
We started at the Olive Branch Cafe (pretty swank and definitely arranged by Uncle John). Still on my no chicken/meat kick, I had a salad.
So you've all heard of my CHICO'S advocate of an aunt, this is about her other half. Uncle John...Uncle John is Frasier. When put together I guess my dad and he could be seen as Frasier and Niles...but Dad definitely doesn't qualify on his own...no Dad's not much of a Niles. Anyways, that whole, I'm a guy with refined taste, who appreciates all things of expensive taste, and knows what it means to socialize with society, is everything that is Uncle John.
Anyways, we saw Booth, Brother Booth which was pretty fantastic. While waiting for the show to start some old society couple sitting in a box seat were meet and greeting. That in itself was amusing, and then I heard "Evenin' Judge" I almost lost it. Maybe you had to be taking in my whole night to appreciate that, but I got a kick out of it
Whoo!!! Apparently the theme of the year is for me to make stupid decisions...next time you talk to me, tell me to stop. ::looks distressed::
We started at the Olive Branch Cafe (pretty swank and definitely arranged by Uncle John). Still on my no chicken/meat kick, I had a salad.
So you've all heard of my CHICO'S advocate of an aunt, this is about her other half. Uncle John...Uncle John is Frasier. When put together I guess my dad and he could be seen as Frasier and Niles...but Dad definitely doesn't qualify on his own...no Dad's not much of a Niles. Anyways, that whole, I'm a guy with refined taste, who appreciates all things of expensive taste, and knows what it means to socialize with society, is everything that is Uncle John.
Anyways, we saw Booth, Brother Booth which was pretty fantastic. While waiting for the show to start some old society couple sitting in a box seat were meet and greeting. That in itself was amusing, and then I heard "Evenin' Judge" I almost lost it. Maybe you had to be taking in my whole night to appreciate that, but I got a kick out of it
Whoo!!! Apparently the theme of the year is for me to make stupid decisions...next time you talk to me, tell me to stop. ::looks distressed::
Chicken, baseball, and what is that?
I ate a chicken sandwich yesterday and thought I would be sick. It wasn't because the chicken was bad; I think any other time I would have found it quite tasty, but at that point in time the texture of meat in my mouth was the most unsettling feeling. I didn't finish the sandwich. Still today I can't imagine biting into chicken...I hope that goes away...I don't think I'd be a very good vegetarian.
Went to a baseball game with my brother, his girlfriend, and his friend yesterday. It was cool. Tommy Lasorta (some famous baseball something or other that was a manager of the Dodgers maybe?-I'm so knowledgeable in baseball) was there. He spoke before the game and then signed autographs throughout out it. It was a perfect game? (I don't know if it was pitched by just one person though...) but anyways, no steals and no hits I guess is what makes it perfect...well we won, I know that. 10 to 0.
The mascot for Columbus' baseball team is the catfish...a blue catfish. Come to think of it, our hockey team's mascot, a cottonmouth, is blue too. Weird. At any rate, there was someone in a mascot uniform being the blue catfish, only it was a furry costume; he just looked like Cookie Monster on crack. At one point he started chasing this kid. Poor kid; I would have had a heartattack. Oh, Columbus.
Went to a baseball game with my brother, his girlfriend, and his friend yesterday. It was cool. Tommy Lasorta (some famous baseball something or other that was a manager of the Dodgers maybe?-I'm so knowledgeable in baseball) was there. He spoke before the game and then signed autographs throughout out it. It was a perfect game? (I don't know if it was pitched by just one person though...) but anyways, no steals and no hits I guess is what makes it perfect...well we won, I know that. 10 to 0.
The mascot for Columbus' baseball team is the catfish...a blue catfish. Come to think of it, our hockey team's mascot, a cottonmouth, is blue too. Weird. At any rate, there was someone in a mascot uniform being the blue catfish, only it was a furry costume; he just looked like Cookie Monster on crack. At one point he started chasing this kid. Poor kid; I would have had a heartattack. Oh, Columbus.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Blah Blah Blah
Still working on making my room move-in-able (just except that...) I was able to empty half of what was still in my closet for Goodwill. Wouldn't believe the clothes I've kept over the years...or even worse, the clothes I still wear. I have about two winter shirts left after that, so I've got to save some money up for a winter wardrobe. (woo!!)
I'm stalling on eating the food Dad just bought me because I was watching a movie where a roach crawled on the fork of this guys food and he ate it! Can't get it out of my head...too bad, I'm starving and its good food!
I have to admit, part of me is stalling on moving to my room. There are two very old mattresses on that bed its like trying sleep on a trampoline. The bed in DB's room used to be mine before I decided I wanted a larger bed. Anyways, its the best mattress in the house! I sleep like a baby on it. I might be another week before I finish my room...
Sorry guys, I'm writing about crap...I'll come back when I've got something to say.
I'm stalling on eating the food Dad just bought me because I was watching a movie where a roach crawled on the fork of this guys food and he ate it! Can't get it out of my head...too bad, I'm starving and its good food!
I have to admit, part of me is stalling on moving to my room. There are two very old mattresses on that bed its like trying sleep on a trampoline. The bed in DB's room used to be mine before I decided I wanted a larger bed. Anyways, its the best mattress in the house! I sleep like a baby on it. I might be another week before I finish my room...
Sorry guys, I'm writing about crap...I'll come back when I've got something to say.
Monday, May 17, 2004
Score!
Excitement
1)So I've got some exciting news...well exciting for me at least. For the month of June my cousin, Kelly, and her husband, Tony, are going to be in and out of town and need a house and dog sitter--> me! I get to live in their house for a month taking care of their precious dog, Tank, and get paid for it! Oh, I also get to drive her car, and she's leaving me money for food-crazy! Quite a step up from an 11-year-old's bottom bunk =)
2) Second exciting news, again more so for me than y'all, my good friend Erin Collins graduated from Auburn this Friday and in August her and her friend are moving to Charleston! Awesome. So yay to more friends in Charleston; consider me tickled pink.
Annoyance
I've been getting my perscription filled at Eckards in Charleston, since I was living there and all. But yesterday I went to get it filled here at our Eckards and they tell me South Carolina law wont allow perscriptions to be transfered out of state. Ergh! So now I've got to get my doctor to write, yet another perscription for me for just Columbus. Either that or come to Charleston in a month just to refill my perscription. I miss not being bound to a perscription, life was simple then, or at least I wasn't spending as much time in Eckards.
Random
I'm still going strong on my exercise regiment. Thanks to CardioBlast yesterday my thighs are burnin today, haha. But good. That means they're working.
More to say...rather talk to a friend than a computer though. So I'm off.
1)So I've got some exciting news...well exciting for me at least. For the month of June my cousin, Kelly, and her husband, Tony, are going to be in and out of town and need a house and dog sitter--> me! I get to live in their house for a month taking care of their precious dog, Tank, and get paid for it! Oh, I also get to drive her car, and she's leaving me money for food-crazy! Quite a step up from an 11-year-old's bottom bunk =)
2) Second exciting news, again more so for me than y'all, my good friend Erin Collins graduated from Auburn this Friday and in August her and her friend are moving to Charleston! Awesome. So yay to more friends in Charleston; consider me tickled pink.
Annoyance
I've been getting my perscription filled at Eckards in Charleston, since I was living there and all. But yesterday I went to get it filled here at our Eckards and they tell me South Carolina law wont allow perscriptions to be transfered out of state. Ergh! So now I've got to get my doctor to write, yet another perscription for me for just Columbus. Either that or come to Charleston in a month just to refill my perscription. I miss not being bound to a perscription, life was simple then, or at least I wasn't spending as much time in Eckards.
Random
I'm still going strong on my exercise regiment. Thanks to CardioBlast yesterday my thighs are burnin today, haha. But good. That means they're working.
More to say...rather talk to a friend than a computer though. So I'm off.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Midnight Driving with Sore Legs
I still feel like I need to make up excuses as to why I'm leaving the house at 12pm to go out. Tonight it was that I was going to Erica's (which is the standard excuse). I'm not doing anything scandalous, least not this night. Just drove around town singing to myself and thinking. I don't know my parents would go for that though. Young girl, driving by herself late at night...Oh well. it was nice.
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Dad cleaned Bret's room today...that is to say you can walk into half of it. Still a long way to go until I feel comfortable living in there and calling it my room again.
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To kick off our contract, Erica and I walked for half an hour and worked out for half an hour yesterday.
I'm hooked now.
I got up this morning (9 o'clock) and turned on Fit TV and did an hour and a half worth of aerobics. Something called Pyramids? maybe? and then my favorite part, Gilad's Body's in Motion.
Gilad is an ex-navy seal...or something like that. He travels the world to do on location aerobics shows. haha. The opening sequence to his show was him doing all sorts of crazy sports all over the world (in small shirts and huge 80's looking tennipumps, of course) concluding with him sprinting along the beach, wind in his pony tail, capris pants clinging to his legs, and a dashing smile across his face that seemed to say "I'm Gilad, and I'm one sexy bastard." Hehehe. Good times with Gilad =)
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Dad cleaned Bret's room today...that is to say you can walk into half of it. Still a long way to go until I feel comfortable living in there and calling it my room again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To kick off our contract, Erica and I walked for half an hour and worked out for half an hour yesterday.
I'm hooked now.
I got up this morning (9 o'clock) and turned on Fit TV and did an hour and a half worth of aerobics. Something called Pyramids? maybe? and then my favorite part, Gilad's Body's in Motion.
Gilad is an ex-navy seal...or something like that. He travels the world to do on location aerobics shows. haha. The opening sequence to his show was him doing all sorts of crazy sports all over the world (in small shirts and huge 80's looking tennipumps, of course) concluding with him sprinting along the beach, wind in his pony tail, capris pants clinging to his legs, and a dashing smile across his face that seemed to say "I'm Gilad, and I'm one sexy bastard." Hehehe. Good times with Gilad =)
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Revamping My Facade
Wooo!!! My blog's got an update! And now you can leave me comments!! That's pretty darn spiffy and I'm excited =) So y'all need to utilize the whole comment thing-It will make me happy.
Here's whats going on in Columbus, GA
-Sleeping in my little brother's bottom bunk because I currently have no room; this also means I'm living out of my boxes because I have no place to unpack into. wee!
-signed my first work contract and that's exciting. I'm now an official memember of the American work force. Look out world!
-I'm up by 8 this morning thanks to my family getting ready for school and work; DB pushed sleep 3 times, my dad woke him twice, and my mom woke him once...I miss Timeria. Well, maybe I get along with my current roomie better, but there's little chance he'll be spending the night off on school nights. haha
-I made record time in buying shoes. It took me exactly 15 hrs of being in Columbus before I found a pair I couldn't live with out-they were on sale!
-I've signed an excersize contract with Erica. For the next 3 months we have to excersize at least 3 days a week. If we break the contract we have to wash all of our families' cars, grand total-8 cars. If that's not motivation to get in shape, I don't know what is =)
-had a blast from the past last night when Michael Driggers (with whom I haven't seen or really spoken to since I left college) called me at 12 am to eat at Gabby's. Its nice to find out it was a good decision to move on from some and that you really are better without them. Here's to being awkward with someone you used to be so comfortable with!
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That's about it kids, I've only been here since Saturday at 11pm so I'd say that pretty solid. Leave a comment so I'll know they work =) later bugs
Here's whats going on in Columbus, GA
-Sleeping in my little brother's bottom bunk because I currently have no room; this also means I'm living out of my boxes because I have no place to unpack into. wee!
-signed my first work contract and that's exciting. I'm now an official memember of the American work force. Look out world!
-I'm up by 8 this morning thanks to my family getting ready for school and work; DB pushed sleep 3 times, my dad woke him twice, and my mom woke him once...I miss Timeria. Well, maybe I get along with my current roomie better, but there's little chance he'll be spending the night off on school nights. haha
-I made record time in buying shoes. It took me exactly 15 hrs of being in Columbus before I found a pair I couldn't live with out-they were on sale!
-I've signed an excersize contract with Erica. For the next 3 months we have to excersize at least 3 days a week. If we break the contract we have to wash all of our families' cars, grand total-8 cars. If that's not motivation to get in shape, I don't know what is =)
-had a blast from the past last night when Michael Driggers (with whom I haven't seen or really spoken to since I left college) called me at 12 am to eat at Gabby's. Its nice to find out it was a good decision to move on from some and that you really are better without them. Here's to being awkward with someone you used to be so comfortable with!
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That's about it kids, I've only been here since Saturday at 11pm so I'd say that pretty solid. Leave a comment so I'll know they work =) later bugs
Monday, May 03, 2004
Two very different thoughts
I think it'd be amusing for a day to have everyone narrate what you had to do for the day. Everyone could take turns describing your actions...you'd provide the dialogue I suppose. But they could direct it, tone of voice, where your attention is going or even make comments about your inner dialogue...
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I'd like some advise. I guess y'all can email or consult in person. Here's the thing: my little brother's not so little anymore. He'll be 12 this summer and in 7th grade next year. I found a website of his friends and in this kids guest book, all of DB's little friends are cursing up a storm Fuck this Fuck that Fuck your mom... So I know DB know's this stuff and probably has for a long time. But I never really thought about it before. I don't want him to be one of those punk little kids always running their mouths with nothing to say, but I also don't want him to think he needs to be Mr. Spick and Span who never says anything bad and always has his shirt tucked in and his hair slicked back.
I know Bret thought my highschool career was a bit ridiculously good and that I could have used to get in a litte more trouble--I'm partially inclined to agree with him. I don't want squirt (so maybe I should stop using this nickname for him?) to live this really clean life all through highschool only to go to college and be confronted with stuff he's never delt with before. Nor do I want him to get so rapped up in partying that he looses his personality...
After seeing his friend's web site I started to remember how much the boys in my sixth grade class knew, how much I knew at that time. How horney those boys were, and how real my desire to relate to the opposite sex was. Don't tell a litte kid they don't know what its like to really like someone (they don't know, but as far as their concerned their in love when they have a crush).
I took pains in trying to educate David Bret musically...but I forgot about all the other stuff. I'm not saying I want to take him out and get him wasted, way too young for that, he's got at least 2 years before that will be necessary (I hope!) Now I'm remembering how much drug use was going on amongst our guys in 7th and 8th grade...Oh goodness, too much for me. And y'all wonder why I'm hesitent to have children of my own!
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I'd like some advise. I guess y'all can email or consult in person. Here's the thing: my little brother's not so little anymore. He'll be 12 this summer and in 7th grade next year. I found a website of his friends and in this kids guest book, all of DB's little friends are cursing up a storm Fuck this Fuck that Fuck your mom... So I know DB know's this stuff and probably has for a long time. But I never really thought about it before. I don't want him to be one of those punk little kids always running their mouths with nothing to say, but I also don't want him to think he needs to be Mr. Spick and Span who never says anything bad and always has his shirt tucked in and his hair slicked back.
I know Bret thought my highschool career was a bit ridiculously good and that I could have used to get in a litte more trouble--I'm partially inclined to agree with him. I don't want squirt (so maybe I should stop using this nickname for him?) to live this really clean life all through highschool only to go to college and be confronted with stuff he's never delt with before. Nor do I want him to get so rapped up in partying that he looses his personality...
After seeing his friend's web site I started to remember how much the boys in my sixth grade class knew, how much I knew at that time. How horney those boys were, and how real my desire to relate to the opposite sex was. Don't tell a litte kid they don't know what its like to really like someone (they don't know, but as far as their concerned their in love when they have a crush).
I took pains in trying to educate David Bret musically...but I forgot about all the other stuff. I'm not saying I want to take him out and get him wasted, way too young for that, he's got at least 2 years before that will be necessary (I hope!) Now I'm remembering how much drug use was going on amongst our guys in 7th and 8th grade...Oh goodness, too much for me. And y'all wonder why I'm hesitent to have children of my own!
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Everything on my mind except school.
It seems like we've always been asked to figure out our morals so that we wouldn't have figure them out in the moment. The whole, if you decide now not to drink if you're put in a situation where you're around people drinking you will be less likely to go back on your decision, kinda thing. Well that's a nice theory, isn't it?
The thing is, we are constantly changing our morals and levels of exceptance whether we are aware of it or not.
When I was in lower school, I said I would never use curse words. At that point "crap" was such a bad word! And although I still don't advocate using curse words in the every-other-word-in-my-speach way, if I get upset or mad, it wouldn't be beyond me to say fuck. The word that I thought was the worst of them all.
These changes are so gradual we barely notice them until we look back. Some of them so subtle they'll go unnoticed. So then what's right and what's wrong? Was I right when I was in elementary and now I'm being bad? Or was I unrealistic in elementary and now I'm being practical?
I had a friend once who wanted to wait until marriage before she kissed anyone. Wow...what a decision. And I know people who have made it. But for what ever reason my friend changed her mind and has kissed before marriage. Should she veiw it as she's gone against her morals? or that her morals have changed?
So that brings up this. If we can in fact change our morals, then can we ever go against them? If I do something I always said I wouldn't do and didn't believe in, rather than saying I've gone against my morals, could I just say that I've recreated them? If so, what's the point in even determining what I believe to be right and what I believe to be wrong?
Why not just live from moment to moment making decisions on what I think is right for me at the time? The problem, how can you have a clear perspective in the moment?
So I'm back at square one. Takin life as it comes with whatever experiance and knowledge I've gained thus far.
The thing is, we are constantly changing our morals and levels of exceptance whether we are aware of it or not.
When I was in lower school, I said I would never use curse words. At that point "crap" was such a bad word! And although I still don't advocate using curse words in the every-other-word-in-my-speach way, if I get upset or mad, it wouldn't be beyond me to say fuck. The word that I thought was the worst of them all.
These changes are so gradual we barely notice them until we look back. Some of them so subtle they'll go unnoticed. So then what's right and what's wrong? Was I right when I was in elementary and now I'm being bad? Or was I unrealistic in elementary and now I'm being practical?
I had a friend once who wanted to wait until marriage before she kissed anyone. Wow...what a decision. And I know people who have made it. But for what ever reason my friend changed her mind and has kissed before marriage. Should she veiw it as she's gone against her morals? or that her morals have changed?
So that brings up this. If we can in fact change our morals, then can we ever go against them? If I do something I always said I wouldn't do and didn't believe in, rather than saying I've gone against my morals, could I just say that I've recreated them? If so, what's the point in even determining what I believe to be right and what I believe to be wrong?
Why not just live from moment to moment making decisions on what I think is right for me at the time? The problem, how can you have a clear perspective in the moment?
So I'm back at square one. Takin life as it comes with whatever experiance and knowledge I've gained thus far.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Finally I can Breath
A while back I wrote that I could feel a change coming on, and that I was ready and waiting. I think its happened, and I am happy. I couldn't tell you what is different now, more perspective on this time of my life will be needed. But I do feel my life is headed in a better direction now.
Its crazy how much we can go through, and the people around us not notice...wierd.
Today I'm thankful for:
pink shoes
Hawkins Lounge
night time
stilletto heels
brothers
parents
grandparents
pajama pants
imagination
good friends who really do care
blushing
free Ben and Jerry's
no more Calculus
the boy on the broken bench
and that out of all the people in the world, I get to be me
Its crazy how much we can go through, and the people around us not notice...wierd.
Today I'm thankful for:
pink shoes
Hawkins Lounge
night time
stilletto heels
brothers
parents
grandparents
pajama pants
imagination
good friends who really do care
blushing
free Ben and Jerry's
no more Calculus
the boy on the broken bench
and that out of all the people in the world, I get to be me
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Sat outside to talk to my mom on my phone near the big clock. 3 things I saw:
1) a girl, wearing black combat boots, white socks, long jean shorts, white shirt, and a black cape over her head sneak out of the bushes and run across behind the library.
2) 2 boys, sitting on a bench (the one where you go to turn into the Cistern) staring into space. I look away; I look back. the boys are pushing two benches over, walking towards where I was sitting, and screaming "I fucking hate women"
3) 6-8 girls that were wearing the same thing as the first girl, ducking in and out of bushes in a single file
So that was weird.
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In Bringing Down the House in the scene where Steve Martin is being schooled on how to be sexy, he says, "I wanna, I wanna....have sexual intercourse with you!"
So I'm thinking...how weird would it be to tell someone that. Or to tell someone that you wanted to have sex with them using any of the metaphors out there. I'm trying to picture myself with a straight face saying "I wanna make love to you"...haha, no, no that doesn't work. I think its sweet you'd want to express that desire to someone (when done with taste) and maybe it would be different "in the moment," but I think I'd just rather have that person scratch my tummy or something. This way no awful metaphors about horazontal tangos or making whoopie have to be made.
And that's what I say about that
1) a girl, wearing black combat boots, white socks, long jean shorts, white shirt, and a black cape over her head sneak out of the bushes and run across behind the library.
2) 2 boys, sitting on a bench (the one where you go to turn into the Cistern) staring into space. I look away; I look back. the boys are pushing two benches over, walking towards where I was sitting, and screaming "I fucking hate women"
3) 6-8 girls that were wearing the same thing as the first girl, ducking in and out of bushes in a single file
So that was weird.
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In Bringing Down the House in the scene where Steve Martin is being schooled on how to be sexy, he says, "I wanna, I wanna....have sexual intercourse with you!"
So I'm thinking...how weird would it be to tell someone that. Or to tell someone that you wanted to have sex with them using any of the metaphors out there. I'm trying to picture myself with a straight face saying "I wanna make love to you"...haha, no, no that doesn't work. I think its sweet you'd want to express that desire to someone (when done with taste) and maybe it would be different "in the moment," but I think I'd just rather have that person scratch my tummy or something. This way no awful metaphors about horazontal tangos or making whoopie have to be made.
And that's what I say about that
Sunday, April 18, 2004
mhmm
20 days until we leave.
Saw the cutest thing today. Two attractive highschool boys were playing frisbee on my left. On my right, a very pretty highschool girl with her mom and a frisbee approaching. "Mom, why did they ask me to bring a frisbee, they already have one!" Next the boys and the girl played frisbee for a bit and then sat around in a circle with the mom and they all talked for at least half an hour, and they were still talking when I left. Way to go boys who will hang out with a girl and her mom. Way to go girl who didn't seem at all perturbed that her mother was with her on this excursion.
Someone once told me I had no emotions. Well that's kinda terrible. I'm sorry if y'all ever feel that way. If you do ever feel that way, kick me-hard. I'll show you emotions.
I love being barefoot. Love it. Toes wiggle some much better when not confined in socks. Hello little piggies!
When I return home, there will be no Lay-Z-Boy... I just remembered. Do any of y'all have a Lay-Z-Boy? Can I come live with you? =)
I love that people have smells. That's just one more thing to look forward to when seeing the people that make you smile in the first place.
It used to be that during the school year, all I could think about was summer. Not true any more. I think now they hold equal perks. Sweet.
Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire,
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere
Saw the cutest thing today. Two attractive highschool boys were playing frisbee on my left. On my right, a very pretty highschool girl with her mom and a frisbee approaching. "Mom, why did they ask me to bring a frisbee, they already have one!" Next the boys and the girl played frisbee for a bit and then sat around in a circle with the mom and they all talked for at least half an hour, and they were still talking when I left. Way to go boys who will hang out with a girl and her mom. Way to go girl who didn't seem at all perturbed that her mother was with her on this excursion.
Someone once told me I had no emotions. Well that's kinda terrible. I'm sorry if y'all ever feel that way. If you do ever feel that way, kick me-hard. I'll show you emotions.
I love being barefoot. Love it. Toes wiggle some much better when not confined in socks. Hello little piggies!
When I return home, there will be no Lay-Z-Boy... I just remembered. Do any of y'all have a Lay-Z-Boy? Can I come live with you? =)
I love that people have smells. That's just one more thing to look forward to when seeing the people that make you smile in the first place.
It used to be that during the school year, all I could think about was summer. Not true any more. I think now they hold equal perks. Sweet.
Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire,
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Its not so bad =)
So Danny told me that my blogs have been depressing lately. I'm sorry guys. I don't want y'all to feel that is all I'm feeling. Its true that lately there have been things that have made my heart pretty sad and I'm still trying to get all of that sorted in my head, BUT! there are some pretty cool things going on in my life that I'm excited about.
I got my English inclass essay back-94 =) After the disaster my last semester English class was (I actually started to dislike English), this grade makes me feel really good.
I talked to my grandmother and finally asked her questions about her past. I've always thought about doing that, but I never found the time or something, mostly I was being a stupid teenager who was rapped up in her own life. But I did it! So cool.
This is what I've found out so far:
>Both her and my grandfather worked for the FBI as fingerprint experts. whoa.
>My grandparents eloped, and then my grandmother lived with her parents for
another 3-4 weeks before announcing that she was married! At that time, my grandfather came back from Washington, having secured a place for them to live, and they moved there (my greatgrandparents actually very pleased)
>She went to college in both Americus, GA and Auburn, AL
>When she began dating my grandfather, she was dating another boy at the same time!! Grandma was playin two boys!!!
I made a new friend, and that's always nice.
Tonight is Midnight Breakfast! Woot!!!
So, there we go. A small list of things that have blessed my life lately. Want to bless it more? Come by my room and say hello; stay awhile even =) I miss talking with everyone. You make me happy-contribute to my happiness!
I got my English inclass essay back-94 =) After the disaster my last semester English class was (I actually started to dislike English), this grade makes me feel really good.
I talked to my grandmother and finally asked her questions about her past. I've always thought about doing that, but I never found the time or something, mostly I was being a stupid teenager who was rapped up in her own life. But I did it! So cool.
This is what I've found out so far:
>Both her and my grandfather worked for the FBI as fingerprint experts. whoa.
>My grandparents eloped, and then my grandmother lived with her parents for
another 3-4 weeks before announcing that she was married! At that time, my grandfather came back from Washington, having secured a place for them to live, and they moved there (my greatgrandparents actually very pleased)
>She went to college in both Americus, GA and Auburn, AL
>When she began dating my grandfather, she was dating another boy at the same time!! Grandma was playin two boys!!!
I made a new friend, and that's always nice.
Tonight is Midnight Breakfast! Woot!!!
So, there we go. A small list of things that have blessed my life lately. Want to bless it more? Come by my room and say hello; stay awhile even =) I miss talking with everyone. You make me happy-contribute to my happiness!
What if everytime you got off the phone, even if it were with someone you didn't know, you said "I love you"? That'd be crazy
The cool thing about being friends with someone is being able to share in their experiences. When they do something they haven't done before, even if you weren't present, you feel somehow like you've had a part in making it happen just through the support you give them everyday. By giving little bits of advice, small compliments, or words of encouragement, we invest in our friends; when they come through-we feel gratified, rewarded, and think "wise investment."
Someone did something incredible this past week, and although I was invested in them at a point in time, my check bounced...or something like that. While I'm sad I didn't get to share in their experiance, I'm rewarded none-the-less. I couldn't be more proud or excited for them, if I had been there every step of the way.
Hurray for people doing amazing things; friend or not, it still makes my heart smile.
Someone did something incredible this past week, and although I was invested in them at a point in time, my check bounced...or something like that. While I'm sad I didn't get to share in their experiance, I'm rewarded none-the-less. I couldn't be more proud or excited for them, if I had been there every step of the way.
Hurray for people doing amazing things; friend or not, it still makes my heart smile.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
If your allergic to wool, can you still like sheep?
This past week I started really missing my family and Columbus. I had this overwhelming desire to see my little brother and talk to him about his opinions on things. I looked up Columbus on Google Images. I thought it'd be nice to see pictures of my city, but there were very few to be found. Infact, the best ones I found were pictures that were taken of the highway road signs in Columbus...I got choked up. You think I'm kidding...I know it sad. But really, there were these pictures of signs by the exit ramp I took to school every day. There was one of this ramp I would take coming back from the Springer to go back to school after a morning show. Oh there was one that I would take to get to the new shopping mall...mmmm, highway exit ramps....yah I know...strange. But I'm also the girl who had a bag of reciepts, like burger king, gas station, etc. in highschool I refused to throw away because I found them sentimental.
So that's what I've done with my time lately. Yep.
oh, and yes, yes you can.
So that's what I've done with my time lately. Yep.
oh, and yes, yes you can.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Blushing red and choking on my Teva
I tried to tell someone today that this company was moving to the mideast of the US....at the time I said it, I was positive it was what I meant. I'll never live that down.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Today I rode my bike across town. I saw all the tourists. I think its funny that people speak of tourists as if they are a whole different species. We've all at some time in our life been in fact a tourists, but I'd be the first to deny it. I have to be cooler than, than...a tourists. haha
I took the paint off my fingernails and haven't painted on a new color. I'm still getting used to this new look to my hands. I have no whiteness to my nail because I keep them cut too short. Just fleshy pinkness that semi-matches my skin tone so it all blends together. Not the short elegant fingers and nails of my mother, and not the long but stumped look of my fathers.
Sometimes I look at my hands and toes and think they can't be mine. They're too small and cute to be attatched to the length of everything else about me. And sometimes I see them and think they're my bodies only true manifestation of myself, that my genes slipped up and forgot to hide these childrens hands. My genetics worked so hard to trick people into believing I was grown and mature, but my hands let the secret out, I'm as clueless as a child.
This book I'm reading is getting in my head and affecting my writting...I'm stuck in the pattern of speech the author uses and his overanalysis of unimportant details of our lives. good book, weird, be glad when I can get back to Harry Potter.
I took the paint off my fingernails and haven't painted on a new color. I'm still getting used to this new look to my hands. I have no whiteness to my nail because I keep them cut too short. Just fleshy pinkness that semi-matches my skin tone so it all blends together. Not the short elegant fingers and nails of my mother, and not the long but stumped look of my fathers.
Sometimes I look at my hands and toes and think they can't be mine. They're too small and cute to be attatched to the length of everything else about me. And sometimes I see them and think they're my bodies only true manifestation of myself, that my genes slipped up and forgot to hide these childrens hands. My genetics worked so hard to trick people into believing I was grown and mature, but my hands let the secret out, I'm as clueless as a child.
This book I'm reading is getting in my head and affecting my writting...I'm stuck in the pattern of speech the author uses and his overanalysis of unimportant details of our lives. good book, weird, be glad when I can get back to Harry Potter.
My friend was telling me about this guy. She and this guy have known each other since the beginning of highschool and their relationship has always been one of miscommunication both unintentional and intentional. What do I mean? Well, its obvious the boy has respect for this girl, thinks shes pretty amazing (talented, intelligent, beautiful-all of which she is). He even had a thing for her (I'll be a witness to this) even if he'd rather pretend he didn't. It in this that we find our situation taking a turn for the weird. Everytime the boy talks to this girl he is rude, says cruel things, and acts if she's the last person he wants to be talking to, despite the fact he started the conversation. Its all very silly. The things he says are forced, farfetched, intermingled with phrazes that reveal how he really feels. On certain days he finds fault with everything she says. EVERYTHING. To the point of ridiculousness...its not possible for one person to be truely opposed to that many things, its just not.
But as overly dramatic as this boy is being, I think we are all a little like him at times. Really, he wants to tell her, he thinks shes wonderful and has interesting opinions and wants to be her friend. But for whatever reason of pride, can only express himself through forced objections to her ideas. He's still saying what he's thinking, whether he wants to or not. Then you have to wonder, are his little hints to his real feelings accidents? or planned?
Everyday we talk in codes to each other. We phraze things in certain ways to get specific reactions. If we're angry with someone but can't tell them directly, we find ways of saying it. We think someone is pretty awsome, want them to know but don't want to just lay it out there, we find ways of beating around it and leaving little pointers that will give clues as to what we really mean.
I can't speak on behalf of boys, I need much more study time on them and much more interviewing, but women are disiplined practitioners of this type of comunication. I don't know where we learned it, other women, television, the mere suggestion of our being good at it, but we are. How many stereotypical tv shows out there have featured an episode in which the wife tells her husband "I shouldn't have to tell, you should know." What's this mean? It means that she's being leaving these pointer phrazes in her conversations with her husband. She has something she thinks he needs to know but doesn't want to have to tell him. She gives clues to him everytime she talks, and to her these are way more than obvious. Our inner dialogue produces these subliminal messages, what a spiffy thing. It can be quite useful when used appropriatly, but if the message isn't clearly delivered problems arise.
Its fun to play around with these hidden messages we send each other. See if others pick up on them. Double talk, maybe they call it. But sometimes it just gets to the point of ridiculous, as in the case of my friend and this guy. For goodness sakes, would it be that awful or that hard, to just say what you really mean for once? Double meaning conversations are fine as long as truth is the root of it.
I know I'm a user of this language. I'll say things incertain tones with certain amount of reference to things from our past or present, knowning the other person will follow my clue and see my intentions...I'm not sayying this is a good thing, it can be downright histrionic at times...but now that i've written it out for all to read, I'll be much more attentive to when I'm doing it and whether its appropriate. That's the snazy thing about writting, the permanence it gives to thoughts. Of course you have to reread some thoughts to remember them, but then they're there. ready to tell you what you said you were going to work on last week, or year...
Funny...I think i just wrote alot, and I'm not even really sure what I said exactly so i hope its coherant...I guess I'll stop now. In conclusion:don't be afraid to say what you really mean, to the peole you really mean it to. I'll try to be a better me. And don't pick fights with someone you really like just because you're too prideful to admit it-that's just silly.
But as overly dramatic as this boy is being, I think we are all a little like him at times. Really, he wants to tell her, he thinks shes wonderful and has interesting opinions and wants to be her friend. But for whatever reason of pride, can only express himself through forced objections to her ideas. He's still saying what he's thinking, whether he wants to or not. Then you have to wonder, are his little hints to his real feelings accidents? or planned?
Everyday we talk in codes to each other. We phraze things in certain ways to get specific reactions. If we're angry with someone but can't tell them directly, we find ways of saying it. We think someone is pretty awsome, want them to know but don't want to just lay it out there, we find ways of beating around it and leaving little pointers that will give clues as to what we really mean.
I can't speak on behalf of boys, I need much more study time on them and much more interviewing, but women are disiplined practitioners of this type of comunication. I don't know where we learned it, other women, television, the mere suggestion of our being good at it, but we are. How many stereotypical tv shows out there have featured an episode in which the wife tells her husband "I shouldn't have to tell, you should know." What's this mean? It means that she's being leaving these pointer phrazes in her conversations with her husband. She has something she thinks he needs to know but doesn't want to have to tell him. She gives clues to him everytime she talks, and to her these are way more than obvious. Our inner dialogue produces these subliminal messages, what a spiffy thing. It can be quite useful when used appropriatly, but if the message isn't clearly delivered problems arise.
Its fun to play around with these hidden messages we send each other. See if others pick up on them. Double talk, maybe they call it. But sometimes it just gets to the point of ridiculous, as in the case of my friend and this guy. For goodness sakes, would it be that awful or that hard, to just say what you really mean for once? Double meaning conversations are fine as long as truth is the root of it.
I know I'm a user of this language. I'll say things incertain tones with certain amount of reference to things from our past or present, knowning the other person will follow my clue and see my intentions...I'm not sayying this is a good thing, it can be downright histrionic at times...but now that i've written it out for all to read, I'll be much more attentive to when I'm doing it and whether its appropriate. That's the snazy thing about writting, the permanence it gives to thoughts. Of course you have to reread some thoughts to remember them, but then they're there. ready to tell you what you said you were going to work on last week, or year...
Funny...I think i just wrote alot, and I'm not even really sure what I said exactly so i hope its coherant...I guess I'll stop now. In conclusion:don't be afraid to say what you really mean, to the peole you really mean it to. I'll try to be a better me. And don't pick fights with someone you really like just because you're too prideful to admit it-that's just silly.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
A list of things that make me happy related to college and buist
So when I first started this whole blog thing one of my fist entries was a list of things that make me happy. John brought up that it had nothing about college in it (I made in my senior year). So I've made a list of things that make me happy that are all College of Charleston based I believe...there's thirty things so I can't remember what I've written.
1.) when Danny Vo wants to ask me a question, and I can tell, and he's really hesitant, and then its not a critical question at all and he's just being his adorable self
2) Andrew's face when he's really tired, we've been talking well into the night and he wants to sleep, wants to keep talking, and doesn't like that I haven't said anything in a while.
3) that I actually have a friend who pronounces every syllable
4) when Emmie and I play let's pretend games spur of the moment with each other knowing ex: let's pretend we don't really like each other but we have to stand on this corner to wait for jason together
5) my walk between Geology and Italian:during this walk I pass so many of y'all's familiar faces and it gives a bounce to my step
6) at the beginning of the year when every thought I lived here but I didn't...very funny and amusing
7) that John and Danny are always so full of compliments: its such a new thing to have friends that are guys (and aren't gay) that will tell me I look nice on a particular day; I love it!
8) that people didn't think I was a dork when I busted out my Pooh puzzle-the actually contributed!
9) the feeling you get when you cross from King street to St. Phillips especially if you've been all over town for a while...like you've come home there really is a distinction between campus and the rest of the city-I like that its so smushed together like that though
10) spur of the moment trips to the beach
11) doing what at home would be a simple task-a trip to Walmart-here takes a days worth planning
12) that I no longer have to think about putting shoes on before going to the bathroom; its instinct
13) that every time I walk down King Street I swear the stores have rearranged themselves or that new ones have been added or taken away
14) that our dorm actually networked our computers together
15) when I knock on jessie's door to get her for lunch the response is always "yo"
16) just going in the party lounge to watch people interact with each other (esp. the people who actually live there)
17) that everyone in this dorm is how they are because y'all just make me smile
18) that Phillip and Dylan are roommates
19) that Phillip was so patient with me and helpful last semester when I was having a break down because of a paper
20) that I pass Alan at the same time every m/w/f and he still looks surprised to be passing me each time
21) that its so important to Big Mike for me to enthusiastically say hello to him
22) when Joel bursts into random songs and also when he sings "Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crashtest Dummies, oh and when he tells the punch line of my one-eyed fish joke
23) that jason heinman barely opens his mouth when he talks
24) Dave's daily updates on his excretory system
25) how Russ walks (check out his shoes) his big toe has made a huge indent in his shoes
26) Devin's Believe-Me-I'm-Devin face
27) that Katie owns as many shoes as I have
28) that Bell South is a campus wide nuisance
29) bike rides around Charleston
30) a guy I like to call Cutiepatootie that plays for Tinker's Punishment and songs for his niece
1.) when Danny Vo wants to ask me a question, and I can tell, and he's really hesitant, and then its not a critical question at all and he's just being his adorable self
2) Andrew's face when he's really tired, we've been talking well into the night and he wants to sleep, wants to keep talking, and doesn't like that I haven't said anything in a while.
3) that I actually have a friend who pronounces every syllable
4) when Emmie and I play let's pretend games spur of the moment with each other knowing ex: let's pretend we don't really like each other but we have to stand on this corner to wait for jason together
5) my walk between Geology and Italian:during this walk I pass so many of y'all's familiar faces and it gives a bounce to my step
6) at the beginning of the year when every thought I lived here but I didn't...very funny and amusing
7) that John and Danny are always so full of compliments: its such a new thing to have friends that are guys (and aren't gay) that will tell me I look nice on a particular day; I love it!
8) that people didn't think I was a dork when I busted out my Pooh puzzle-the actually contributed!
9) the feeling you get when you cross from King street to St. Phillips especially if you've been all over town for a while...like you've come home there really is a distinction between campus and the rest of the city-I like that its so smushed together like that though
10) spur of the moment trips to the beach
11) doing what at home would be a simple task-a trip to Walmart-here takes a days worth planning
12) that I no longer have to think about putting shoes on before going to the bathroom; its instinct
13) that every time I walk down King Street I swear the stores have rearranged themselves or that new ones have been added or taken away
14) that our dorm actually networked our computers together
15) when I knock on jessie's door to get her for lunch the response is always "yo"
16) just going in the party lounge to watch people interact with each other (esp. the people who actually live there)
17) that everyone in this dorm is how they are because y'all just make me smile
18) that Phillip and Dylan are roommates
19) that Phillip was so patient with me and helpful last semester when I was having a break down because of a paper
20) that I pass Alan at the same time every m/w/f and he still looks surprised to be passing me each time
21) that its so important to Big Mike for me to enthusiastically say hello to him
22) when Joel bursts into random songs and also when he sings "Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crashtest Dummies, oh and when he tells the punch line of my one-eyed fish joke
23) that jason heinman barely opens his mouth when he talks
24) Dave's daily updates on his excretory system
25) how Russ walks (check out his shoes) his big toe has made a huge indent in his shoes
26) Devin's Believe-Me-I'm-Devin face
27) that Katie owns as many shoes as I have
28) that Bell South is a campus wide nuisance
29) bike rides around Charleston
30) a guy I like to call Cutiepatootie that plays for Tinker's Punishment and songs for his niece
Saturday, April 03, 2004
For a large part of my life when I had problems with my friends, I would simply pretend whatever it was wasn't a problem. Of course later in life problems became more complicated, but it wasn't until summer of my senior year that I learned to stand up for myself. Throughout the course of my senior year and all the way until I left for college I was confronted with situations in which the best thing for everyone involved was for our friendships to end. It was so hard at that time, but I see now how important it was for me to go through that and what it means to let go of someone you care about because you care about them.
Now, however, I'm having a hard time determining when to let go, and when to hold on and try to work things out. At what point in a friendship does it become hopeless? when is it still worth saving? and how can you tell?
I think its amazing/unfortunant/interesting/frightening that dynamics between people can be changed within one sentance. And when considering that, our friendships with each other should not be taken for granted. Whether we're conscious or not we are constantly working on our relationships with each other. Taking in bits of info and figuring how that knowlegdge fits in with what we know to be ourselves and what we know to be that person.
Its just that during the course of a friendship there comes times when a little extra work is required. And I understand that, but at the same time my pride prevents me, my self-conciousness prevents me, and my fear of screwing things up even more than they are prevents me. Too bad there's not a manual-it'd be mighty useful right now. I hate when things are weird between me and people I care about....I wish it would stop.
Now, however, I'm having a hard time determining when to let go, and when to hold on and try to work things out. At what point in a friendship does it become hopeless? when is it still worth saving? and how can you tell?
I think its amazing/unfortunant/interesting/frightening that dynamics between people can be changed within one sentance. And when considering that, our friendships with each other should not be taken for granted. Whether we're conscious or not we are constantly working on our relationships with each other. Taking in bits of info and figuring how that knowlegdge fits in with what we know to be ourselves and what we know to be that person.
Its just that during the course of a friendship there comes times when a little extra work is required. And I understand that, but at the same time my pride prevents me, my self-conciousness prevents me, and my fear of screwing things up even more than they are prevents me. Too bad there's not a manual-it'd be mighty useful right now. I hate when things are weird between me and people I care about....I wish it would stop.
Monday, March 29, 2004
stuck in between
All through highschool I I was told that I looked much older than I was, and not by just creepy old men either, people from whom I felt would tell me the truth...so why do I feel like I look about 14 years old now? It's like I've regressed in my maturing process, stepped back instead of forward....I think its time for a change.
Along the lines of feeling its time for a change, I feel a change is coming on. Everyother time in my life that I have felt this it was exciting and it seemed like such a cool thing to be going through. But this is just making me angry. Something in my life that is going to help me line up some of the pieces of what I've been looking at all these years is about to happen, I can feel it...but its not happening soon enough. And more than that, I feel that even if I do realize what change I'm supposed to undergo, circumstances will hold me in the position I'm at currently. Maybe its that for so long now I've felt wedged into a place I didn't belong and I finally see that there could be a more comfortable place, and yet its not mine, and I can't have it...atleast not right now.
I often think I was born at the wrong time...like there was this time in history I was supposed to come but I missed it so they gave me this slot. Maybe I even missed two places...because I feel I should have come much sooner somedays and other days I think I missed my slot by a few years.
I'm probably in the right slot, I just mixed up the ages at which maturity and juvenileism come.
Hurry up change....
Along the lines of feeling its time for a change, I feel a change is coming on. Everyother time in my life that I have felt this it was exciting and it seemed like such a cool thing to be going through. But this is just making me angry. Something in my life that is going to help me line up some of the pieces of what I've been looking at all these years is about to happen, I can feel it...but its not happening soon enough. And more than that, I feel that even if I do realize what change I'm supposed to undergo, circumstances will hold me in the position I'm at currently. Maybe its that for so long now I've felt wedged into a place I didn't belong and I finally see that there could be a more comfortable place, and yet its not mine, and I can't have it...atleast not right now.
I often think I was born at the wrong time...like there was this time in history I was supposed to come but I missed it so they gave me this slot. Maybe I even missed two places...because I feel I should have come much sooner somedays and other days I think I missed my slot by a few years.
I'm probably in the right slot, I just mixed up the ages at which maturity and juvenileism come.
Hurry up change....
ay me: Becca exposed
So I had an amazing weekend. It was so nice hanging out with my brother and his friends. This just proves that he should have moved with me up here. It was pretty crazy. I saw two completely different versions of what it can be like to be mid-tweenties...I've concluded I'm middle class and love it. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I mean, its nice to get dressed up fancy every once and a while and eat at some swank restraunt, but who wants to be prim and proper all the time? Well...its fine for some...but me-give me a dvd of the best of Will Ferral, pizza, laughing friends, and an air matress that deflates in the middle of the night: perfect.
We went and saw Karl Denezen's Tiny Universe (sorry if mispelled) and it was so good. The main guy on the sax, his forearms were the size of a Crisco can, it was like the man had jack hammers for arms! So cool. Just good, slightly-jazzy jammin music.
I'm sorry if I've been excessively talk-a-tive lately. I used to have one place I'd go to when I felt like talking about everything but its gone. So you'll are getting what should be going to one place and its just kinda spreading all around. For instance this very entry...or any of y'all to whom I described my weekend....So I just became aware of this, like right now. And so thank you for listening to me, I'll take care of it.
Schools about to end...I feel like things are just starting to fit right for me, too...so its kinda sad...The contradicting emotions of excitement about my summer and my want to stay here are just kinda combining to make me anxious...like I've suddenly lost control because I never know what I want and all of a sudden I want two things and can only have one. Weird though, since its already settled which one is going to happen....should bring comfort, and yet it does not. Maybe I just need some sleep....or Starbucks...
So this all written, I feel I've said too much and shouldn't publish...but I guess I will since I haven't in so long...just remember its late and I'm not responsible for what's written...
We went and saw Karl Denezen's Tiny Universe (sorry if mispelled) and it was so good. The main guy on the sax, his forearms were the size of a Crisco can, it was like the man had jack hammers for arms! So cool. Just good, slightly-jazzy jammin music.
I'm sorry if I've been excessively talk-a-tive lately. I used to have one place I'd go to when I felt like talking about everything but its gone. So you'll are getting what should be going to one place and its just kinda spreading all around. For instance this very entry...or any of y'all to whom I described my weekend....So I just became aware of this, like right now. And so thank you for listening to me, I'll take care of it.
Schools about to end...I feel like things are just starting to fit right for me, too...so its kinda sad...The contradicting emotions of excitement about my summer and my want to stay here are just kinda combining to make me anxious...like I've suddenly lost control because I never know what I want and all of a sudden I want two things and can only have one. Weird though, since its already settled which one is going to happen....should bring comfort, and yet it does not. Maybe I just need some sleep....or Starbucks...
So this all written, I feel I've said too much and shouldn't publish...but I guess I will since I haven't in so long...just remember its late and I'm not responsible for what's written...
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Lifetime movies, leftovers, and puzzles
My back and shoulders are pink, thanks to the lovely weather outside today and the beautiful Marrion Square. I'm so thankful to live in a place and time when I can try to do my homework outside.
Thank you guys for my birthday. It was very nice. Thank you Leslie for calling me! Thank you Maggie, Emmie and Tadj for my purse and loving me enough to wake up THAT early to get it! Thank you Maggie for my cd and letting me wear the birthday crown; I felt like a real princess. Lupper was wonderful, desert was wonderful, and y'all are too. Oh, and thanks for takin me out, guys. Ioni, best cake ever (and sorry if I mispelled your name, not that you'll see this)
Went to Marrion Square today to do some work, bumped into Jules, and so we sat for a while. Went back later with Maggie the Magnificent =) We people and animal watched. Super cool. I'm so pumped we get to be roommates. Not that my situation is bad...but how awsome will it be to live with someone that you actually talk to, laugh with, and hang out with?! Such a foriegn concept but I'm game to try something new!
I recomend-singing into the water in the shower
I do not recomend-trying to syncrinize your blinks with the cursor bar so that you never see it; headaches may result from this game
I don't like when guys expect the girls to make the first call...I don't expect them to be the only ones to ever call...but the first time...it'd be super nice if they took care of that one...call me old fashioned-but just call me.
Brandon Boyd: You're an exception to the rule. You're a bonifide rarity. You're all I ever wanted; southern girl, could you want me?
Becca: Do you have to ask?
Weeping sounds alot like laughter...at least on Lifetime
Enough procrastination from my homework; English awaits. Good day.
Thank you guys for my birthday. It was very nice. Thank you Leslie for calling me! Thank you Maggie, Emmie and Tadj for my purse and loving me enough to wake up THAT early to get it! Thank you Maggie for my cd and letting me wear the birthday crown; I felt like a real princess. Lupper was wonderful, desert was wonderful, and y'all are too. Oh, and thanks for takin me out, guys. Ioni, best cake ever (and sorry if I mispelled your name, not that you'll see this)
Went to Marrion Square today to do some work, bumped into Jules, and so we sat for a while. Went back later with Maggie the Magnificent =) We people and animal watched. Super cool. I'm so pumped we get to be roommates. Not that my situation is bad...but how awsome will it be to live with someone that you actually talk to, laugh with, and hang out with?! Such a foriegn concept but I'm game to try something new!
I recomend-singing into the water in the shower
I do not recomend-trying to syncrinize your blinks with the cursor bar so that you never see it; headaches may result from this game
I don't like when guys expect the girls to make the first call...I don't expect them to be the only ones to ever call...but the first time...it'd be super nice if they took care of that one...call me old fashioned-but just call me.
Brandon Boyd: You're an exception to the rule. You're a bonifide rarity. You're all I ever wanted; southern girl, could you want me?
Becca: Do you have to ask?
Weeping sounds alot like laughter...at least on Lifetime
Enough procrastination from my homework; English awaits. Good day.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
God bless skirts, open windows, open doors, bikes, and awkward handshakes
"pleasant day, pretty sky, life goes on, here i lie-not bad, not bad at all"
My first memory of first grade: walking into Mrs. Chervanack's room for the first day of school with my pink, Minney mouse bookbag (this bag had a Minney head that stuck out from the top and two Minney arms that went over the straps so it was as if she were getting a piggy back ride from you) and my thought at that moment was "pretend you are a princess."
The wonder of life is that the most likable person can be disliked, and yet when we are disliked even by one person-it hurts. I'm choosing to not be mad today, or tomorrow. And tomorrow, I hope make the same decision, because that fact of the matter is that I'm trying my hardest to be the best me, but that's not going to agree with everyone. And for every person that I think negative thoughts on I choose to find at least one redeamable quality in that person. I'm tired of negative engergy; its time to emanate positive.
My first memory of first grade: walking into Mrs. Chervanack's room for the first day of school with my pink, Minney mouse bookbag (this bag had a Minney head that stuck out from the top and two Minney arms that went over the straps so it was as if she were getting a piggy back ride from you) and my thought at that moment was "pretend you are a princess."
The wonder of life is that the most likable person can be disliked, and yet when we are disliked even by one person-it hurts. I'm choosing to not be mad today, or tomorrow. And tomorrow, I hope make the same decision, because that fact of the matter is that I'm trying my hardest to be the best me, but that's not going to agree with everyone. And for every person that I think negative thoughts on I choose to find at least one redeamable quality in that person. I'm tired of negative engergy; its time to emanate positive.
Monday, March 01, 2004
What's on Becca's Mind
I know I know, you've all been dying to know what's on my mind. I swear I get letters daily from you guys asking me what I'm thinking and by the way john, camping in front of my door isn't going to inspire me to tell you inner thoughts so just pack it up and move on-you're really scaring Timeria. But since it seems to be in such high demand, here's a list of things i've been thinking about (I know i'm a dork guys just bare with the self-inflation I'll be over it soon)
I'm thinking about
1) Where to go for College
2) People who mean(t) alot to me but for whatever reason are no longer talking with me
3) Going home
4) Teaching
5) This summer and whether I'll get the cool job of teaching kids or get stuck as the Intern Captain (pray for the first!)
6) that I need to share the story of Bandana Man (more to come on this later)
7) sex, and that things better start happening for Becca because hormones are going and I'm losing patience
8) marriage-will it ever happen?
9) dating and what a weird twisted and sometimes hurtful process it is
10) that its time for Becca to face facts-my matabolism ain't what it used to be and I should start helping it out
11) my relationship with God
12) people that i feel close to and hoping that's what they're thinking too
13) how cool it would be if I could somehow get the courage to walk up to a cute guy and kiss him, knowing I'd never see him again-note: i should do this before I die (and by before i die, i mean soon because it just wouldn't be attractive to be 80 and kissing a random guy) just to say i've done it, not because i'm skanky-no comments boys
14) how happy i am for my friend chris
15) that there are a million things on my mind and this list is getting long so if anyone is wants more explanation on one of these points I'll be happy to elaborate...and if there's anything you want me to write on in general, please send suggestions to becca320@hotmail.com
I'm thinking about
1) Where to go for College
2) People who mean(t) alot to me but for whatever reason are no longer talking with me
3) Going home
4) Teaching
5) This summer and whether I'll get the cool job of teaching kids or get stuck as the Intern Captain (pray for the first!)
6) that I need to share the story of Bandana Man (more to come on this later)
7) sex, and that things better start happening for Becca because hormones are going and I'm losing patience
8) marriage-will it ever happen?
9) dating and what a weird twisted and sometimes hurtful process it is
10) that its time for Becca to face facts-my matabolism ain't what it used to be and I should start helping it out
11) my relationship with God
12) people that i feel close to and hoping that's what they're thinking too
13) how cool it would be if I could somehow get the courage to walk up to a cute guy and kiss him, knowing I'd never see him again-note: i should do this before I die (and by before i die, i mean soon because it just wouldn't be attractive to be 80 and kissing a random guy) just to say i've done it, not because i'm skanky-no comments boys
14) how happy i am for my friend chris
15) that there are a million things on my mind and this list is getting long so if anyone is wants more explanation on one of these points I'll be happy to elaborate...and if there's anything you want me to write on in general, please send suggestions to becca320@hotmail.com
An Official Beginning to College (this was written for a class, but I like it so read this until I can think of what to post later)
Emmie and I floated out of the North Charleston Coliseum with persistent grins and the many melodies of Ben Folds playing in our heads. I felt like a lucky girl, indeed. I started running conversations through my head that I would have with my friends: “Three times, three times now I’ve seen him in concert! It just gets better. What an amazing start to college, seeing my ‘husband’ in concert in my first week here!” Despite our minds being clouded with such conversations and replays of the concert, we found enough mental clarity to call for a taxi and wait outside on the sidewalk for it to come.
Over the intercom system outside played a message from the coliseum which included among other things an official greeting and directions on how to get a safe ride if you were intoxicated; it played every two minutes. It really was a peaceful night and a good night for talking outside, despite the auditory annoyance. We were mostly alone, only the occasional drifter had crossed our path since we had left the concert early. Given our past experience with public transportation, we thought the earlier in the night we took the taxi the safer we would feel.
We reflected on our week of firsts as we waited. It was the first week living in a new city, the first time in college classes, the first time being an owner of a mini-fridge (are they supposed to sound like a lawn-mower eating a piece of metal at night?), and now the first attendance of a concert in college. This semester surely promised great things within the first week.
Emmie casually looked up and appeared to be somewhat entranced by what she saw. She asked me if it was Ben Folds walking towards us, and it was as if I had never heard that name in my life. She had to ask me the question several times before I realized who she was talking about. I followed her eye-line to a man in a stripped polo and converse tennis shoes walking with a dark-haired woman and a small little boy. It did look like him, and the woman and child fit the description of his wife and child. But why would he just be walking down the sidewalk so nonchalantly? Shouldn’t he be surrounded by guards?
The next five minutes are hard to remember, but he walked up to us I am certain. We talked about our crazy English teacher with whom he is friends and about that annoying speaker message. It was like talking to an old friend, only surface conversation but enjoyable for the mere reason of the company. I could almost imagine myself asking if he wanted to grab some supper with us until he asked if we wanted him to sign something. Oh, yes! That’s what you do when you meet someone famous, you ask for his autograph. We scrounged in our purses and found our tickets. He signed them, I mumbled out a thank you, and then he was gone. Emmie and I were back to our spot on the sidewalk filled with even more excitement from this adventure.
The dubious taxi-van eventually pulled up, with two old scruffy men in the driver’s and passenger’s seats. We climbed inside with our signed tickets tightly gripped, almost unaware of the pretty black woman in the middle seat who looked as if she were going to a club. We almost did not catch on to the strange way in which she was giving her directions. We did, however, become aware of our situation when we pulled in front of house with no lighting and no street number and she said “I guess this is it. He didn’t tell me his name or phone number. Blow the horn; see if he comes out.” The horn was blown, a man stepped into his lit doorway making his body a large shadow, and she went inside with the nameless man.
What a wonderful ending to an unbelievable night, sharing a taxi with a prostitute. Emmie and I joked about our awesome story we had to tell now, well, everyone except my parents. I realized this was the beginning to my carefully editing college stories for them.
Over the intercom system outside played a message from the coliseum which included among other things an official greeting and directions on how to get a safe ride if you were intoxicated; it played every two minutes. It really was a peaceful night and a good night for talking outside, despite the auditory annoyance. We were mostly alone, only the occasional drifter had crossed our path since we had left the concert early. Given our past experience with public transportation, we thought the earlier in the night we took the taxi the safer we would feel.
We reflected on our week of firsts as we waited. It was the first week living in a new city, the first time in college classes, the first time being an owner of a mini-fridge (are they supposed to sound like a lawn-mower eating a piece of metal at night?), and now the first attendance of a concert in college. This semester surely promised great things within the first week.
Emmie casually looked up and appeared to be somewhat entranced by what she saw. She asked me if it was Ben Folds walking towards us, and it was as if I had never heard that name in my life. She had to ask me the question several times before I realized who she was talking about. I followed her eye-line to a man in a stripped polo and converse tennis shoes walking with a dark-haired woman and a small little boy. It did look like him, and the woman and child fit the description of his wife and child. But why would he just be walking down the sidewalk so nonchalantly? Shouldn’t he be surrounded by guards?
The next five minutes are hard to remember, but he walked up to us I am certain. We talked about our crazy English teacher with whom he is friends and about that annoying speaker message. It was like talking to an old friend, only surface conversation but enjoyable for the mere reason of the company. I could almost imagine myself asking if he wanted to grab some supper with us until he asked if we wanted him to sign something. Oh, yes! That’s what you do when you meet someone famous, you ask for his autograph. We scrounged in our purses and found our tickets. He signed them, I mumbled out a thank you, and then he was gone. Emmie and I were back to our spot on the sidewalk filled with even more excitement from this adventure.
The dubious taxi-van eventually pulled up, with two old scruffy men in the driver’s and passenger’s seats. We climbed inside with our signed tickets tightly gripped, almost unaware of the pretty black woman in the middle seat who looked as if she were going to a club. We almost did not catch on to the strange way in which she was giving her directions. We did, however, become aware of our situation when we pulled in front of house with no lighting and no street number and she said “I guess this is it. He didn’t tell me his name or phone number. Blow the horn; see if he comes out.” The horn was blown, a man stepped into his lit doorway making his body a large shadow, and she went inside with the nameless man.
What a wonderful ending to an unbelievable night, sharing a taxi with a prostitute. Emmie and I joked about our awesome story we had to tell now, well, everyone except my parents. I realized this was the beginning to my carefully editing college stories for them.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Girls, if you're feelin low
I stole this off my friend Kern's profile, hope y'all enjoy!
Thoughts for my girls who are feeling lost in the world:
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." -Hedy Lamarr
"Sure beauty has the power to excite men. But so does a box of donuts." -Susan Jane Gilman
"It's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have time." -Tallulah Bankhead
"Cinderella lied to us. There should be a Betty Ford Center where they de-program you by putting you in an electric chair, play 'Some Day My Prince Will Come,' and hit you and go, 'Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming.'"-Judy Carter
"Right now, there are two things in my life that need to be done: me and my laundry. I want to marry a man who can do both."
Thoughts for my girls who are feeling lost in the world:
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." -Hedy Lamarr
"Sure beauty has the power to excite men. But so does a box of donuts." -Susan Jane Gilman
"It's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have time." -Tallulah Bankhead
"Cinderella lied to us. There should be a Betty Ford Center where they de-program you by putting you in an electric chair, play 'Some Day My Prince Will Come,' and hit you and go, 'Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming.'"-Judy Carter
"Right now, there are two things in my life that need to be done: me and my laundry. I want to marry a man who can do both."
Thursday, February 19, 2004
So i guess y'all noticed i've been gone
Well i've been sittin here for thirty minuets writting in my blog and I remembered why I stopped writing in this-everytime I start it just comes out depressing sounding and I don't want to put you guys through that. So I'll make a deal with y'all-I you guys will give me occasional suggestions of things to write on, I will try my hardest to come up with some to, and I'll stay away from somber reflexive entries-deal? anyone? Start with I shall write a limerick or a slightly morphed form on.....Timeria since she's sitting accros from me
i room with a girl named Timeria
she sleeps standing up, I'm not kiddin' ya!
she likes the room hot
like a boiling hot pot
and she sings to herself: doowadidia!
So I'm not a poet...shoot me!
i room with a girl named Timeria
she sleeps standing up, I'm not kiddin' ya!
she likes the room hot
like a boiling hot pot
and she sings to herself: doowadidia!
So I'm not a poet...shoot me!
Thursday, January 08, 2004
4 pm-I can't sleep-here comes incohearent prattle (just found that word...I like it!)
I feel like a princess right now...
So Monday night I went to a concert in Atlanta with my eldest of brothers, Bret-made me happy. I finnally feel like we've gotten to an age where we can talk with each other openly on the same level....but I write about him alot so I'll leave it at that. The concert was so much fun! Good music, and this cool black guy, semi-old, playing the saxaphone and just giving off cool vibes left and right.
thought-when I grow up I want calming understanding to spill from my pores and touch others around me...
Small preface to the next in my randomness: when i was in preschool I watched Mary Martin's Peter Pan everyday when I got home. I even named my cat Wendy Myra Angela Darling...all that said-I loved the new Peter Pan movie!! They went into detail on things that were only lightly touched in the musical, and although Mary Martin is always closest to my heart, this Peter Pan made me want to be 4 again, standing on my sofa each hand equipped with paper plate wings....ahhhh
I hate burping because of hunger...burps should be a pleasant ending to a wonderful meal...
my fingernails get tougher at night when its late...its late...my fingernails are tough...I need to get some sleep.
Its good to feel legit.
Goodnight
So Monday night I went to a concert in Atlanta with my eldest of brothers, Bret-made me happy. I finnally feel like we've gotten to an age where we can talk with each other openly on the same level....but I write about him alot so I'll leave it at that. The concert was so much fun! Good music, and this cool black guy, semi-old, playing the saxaphone and just giving off cool vibes left and right.
thought-when I grow up I want calming understanding to spill from my pores and touch others around me...
Small preface to the next in my randomness: when i was in preschool I watched Mary Martin's Peter Pan everyday when I got home. I even named my cat Wendy Myra Angela Darling...all that said-I loved the new Peter Pan movie!! They went into detail on things that were only lightly touched in the musical, and although Mary Martin is always closest to my heart, this Peter Pan made me want to be 4 again, standing on my sofa each hand equipped with paper plate wings....ahhhh
I hate burping because of hunger...burps should be a pleasant ending to a wonderful meal...
my fingernails get tougher at night when its late...its late...my fingernails are tough...I need to get some sleep.
Its good to feel legit.
Goodnight
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