My friend was telling me about this guy. She and this guy have known each other since the beginning of highschool and their relationship has always been one of miscommunication both unintentional and intentional. What do I mean? Well, its obvious the boy has respect for this girl, thinks shes pretty amazing (talented, intelligent, beautiful-all of which she is). He even had a thing for her (I'll be a witness to this) even if he'd rather pretend he didn't. It in this that we find our situation taking a turn for the weird. Everytime the boy talks to this girl he is rude, says cruel things, and acts if she's the last person he wants to be talking to, despite the fact he started the conversation. Its all very silly. The things he says are forced, farfetched, intermingled with phrazes that reveal how he really feels. On certain days he finds fault with everything she says. EVERYTHING. To the point of ridiculousness...its not possible for one person to be truely opposed to that many things, its just not.

But as overly dramatic as this boy is being, I think we are all a little like him at times. Really, he wants to tell her, he thinks shes wonderful and has interesting opinions and wants to be her friend. But for whatever reason of pride, can only express himself through forced objections to her ideas. He's still saying what he's thinking, whether he wants to or not. Then you have to wonder, are his little hints to his real feelings accidents? or planned?

Everyday we talk in codes to each other. We phraze things in certain ways to get specific reactions. If we're angry with someone but can't tell them directly, we find ways of saying it. We think someone is pretty awsome, want them to know but don't want to just lay it out there, we find ways of beating around it and leaving little pointers that will give clues as to what we really mean.

I can't speak on behalf of boys, I need much more study time on them and much more interviewing, but women are disiplined practitioners of this type of comunication. I don't know where we learned it, other women, television, the mere suggestion of our being good at it, but we are. How many stereotypical tv shows out there have featured an episode in which the wife tells her husband "I shouldn't have to tell, you should know." What's this mean? It means that she's being leaving these pointer phrazes in her conversations with her husband. She has something she thinks he needs to know but doesn't want to have to tell him. She gives clues to him everytime she talks, and to her these are way more than obvious. Our inner dialogue produces these subliminal messages, what a spiffy thing. It can be quite useful when used appropriatly, but if the message isn't clearly delivered problems arise.

Its fun to play around with these hidden messages we send each other. See if others pick up on them. Double talk, maybe they call it. But sometimes it just gets to the point of ridiculous, as in the case of my friend and this guy. For goodness sakes, would it be that awful or that hard, to just say what you really mean for once? Double meaning conversations are fine as long as truth is the root of it.

I know I'm a user of this language. I'll say things incertain tones with certain amount of reference to things from our past or present, knowning the other person will follow my clue and see my intentions...I'm not sayying this is a good thing, it can be downright histrionic at times...but now that i've written it out for all to read, I'll be much more attentive to when I'm doing it and whether its appropriate. That's the snazy thing about writting, the permanence it gives to thoughts. Of course you have to reread some thoughts to remember them, but then they're there. ready to tell you what you said you were going to work on last week, or year...

Funny...I think i just wrote alot, and I'm not even really sure what I said exactly so i hope its coherant...I guess I'll stop now. In conclusion:don't be afraid to say what you really mean, to the peole you really mean it to. I'll try to be a better me. And don't pick fights with someone you really like just because you're too prideful to admit it-that's just silly.