The whole in my heart the size of Pachelbel's Cannon

I have always had the feeling that everyone in the world was one step ahead of me. I have the blessing and curse of being a daydreamer. Sometimes I slip so far into these dreams I’m unaware of what is going on around me and I have to play catch up. In certain aspects of my life, I don’t believe I ever come out.

Hindsight is 20/20, no? We look back and wish we had cherished time with certain people more; memorized the exactly look of that building, face, tree; or hugged for just a few seconds longer. One of my biggest struggles throughout life has been my inclination towards nostalgia and from that regret. It’s easy to regret those moments when you weren’t paying attention, but how can you regret the moments you were trying to cherish?

I spent 7 years as a student at the Springer Theater Academy in complete awareness that my experiences there were by the minute shaping me as a person. I fully understood the meaning of focus during those summers as I tried my hardest to remember every word my teachers said, lesson I learned, game I played, and friend I made.

I know that my journey in life had to take me away from the Springer. I still believe that for the benefit of the Acadmey, it was important for new teachers to be welcomed into the family. It was not so easy to go away, though. My first summer “away” I managed to spend 2 amazing weeks as the world’s oldest intern. The next summer, I was only able to stop by for a day but I need even just that day to recharge my battery. I have tried to wean myself off, but the truth is its still in my system and will be for good.

Every summer my thoughts turn the Springer and the people there. When I see pictures of Salutations, presentations, and the banquet I still cry and feel a great whole in my heart. The weirdest part is to know there is a new generation of Academy kids, who don’t even know who I am. The kids for whom I interned are going off to college and becoming TAs themselves.

As I see the the Kara Feltons and the Alex Willises grow up I can’t help but think that they were able to appreciate their time at Academy in a way I never could. And a part of me is jealous that these young actors have a spark about them that ignites a passion for theater and life in those around them that I’ve always felt I’ve lacked.

Unfortunately for anyone who never went through this program, words can never describe the experience of growing up an Academy kid. How do you put into words, that the 8 weeks you spent each summer between 6th and 12th grade defined you more as a person and in more ways than even you are aware of than the months spent in school.

I have had the pleasure now of teaching with two different summer theater programs. In each program kids were exposed to theater and perhaps learned something. But each lacked a certain magic that happens in the summers at the Springer.

My heart is aching for Academy, for the chance to be a student and do it better this time